This first episode was an excruciating two hours long and featured fifteen Wanna-bes. Fifteen. That means the show will last pretty much the whole damn summer, as if living in humid Baltimore isn't punishment enough for me. Sigh. It's pretty hard to get a grasp on the talents (or not, as the case may be) of fifteen people in the first episode, so I may not mention some of them at all.
It's good to note that most of the fifteen have some professional culinary experience - several are actual chefs and restaurateurs. One, however, is a radio personality who wants to transition to being a television personality. Unfortunately, cooking isn't his strong suit. Plus, the guy has a face for radio.
Bobby tells the Wanna-bes that for their very first challenge they have to create a sophisticated signature breakfast. I'm hoping they have to do this on the sidewalk, maybe on hot dog carts, but no - cars arrive to whisk them back to the Star Kitchens, where they have 45 minutes to cook.
Not surprisingly, the scene in the kitchen is a giant clusterfuck, what with fifteen people running around, each unfamiliar with the place, the supplies, and the equipment. One of the characters who I immediately disliked because he thinks everything is "awesome," Frat boy Chris, attempts to roast a chicken, which of course turns out raw. Vic Vegas, a tatted-up Vin Diesel clone who either has a lot of facial piercings or is just unfortunately mole-y, is making a lobster slider, somehow loses his lobster, and doesn't get it to the plates on time.
The competitors are then sent home to their expensive digs with a view of the Hollywood sign. And bunk beds.
1 - Whitney, Mary Beth, Justin B.
2 - Vic, Howie, Jyll
3 - Susie, Katy, Chris
4 - Orchid, Jeff, Juba
5 - Penny, Justin D, Alicia
Predictably, there's at least one fuck-up in every trio who causes Alton to roll his eyes and call, "CUT!" and makes the whole process painful to watch. Justin B especially, since he starts out ok, then freezes like the proverbial deer in the headlights. He reminds me of a cartoon monkey for some reason. Also, he wears ear spools. When I see ear spools, I just want to hook my index fingers in them and pull down really hard. They seem made for that, don't they? Plus - they're ugly.
Cut to scenes of Wanna-bes in the kitchen, scurrying, cooking, and bad-mouthing each other.
Team 5 serves their meal first. Penny - who declared she was Middle Eastern twice in the first 10 minutes of the show (she must be this season's Debbie "I'm Korean" Lee) - tells the assembled Selection Committee plus "press" Mario Lopez, Hal Rubenstein, and Jess Cagle, that she's bringing sexy back to the kitchen. Which means of course that she's a huge Justin Timberlake fan. During the presentation of her dish, she mentions the word "sexy" a few times, plus, "sexual," "intimate," and "ejaculate." (Ok, maybe not ejaculate.)
I didn't bother taking notes for Team 1, so they must have fared ok. Team 2 goes next. Jyll was too busy helping complete loser Radioface do *everything* in the kitchen and didn't have enough time to plate her own dish. To make things worse, while flailing about, she has a physical collision with Vic, knocking all of his food onto the floor. Howie's dish of gnocchi, described by Jess Cagle as reminiscent of something he made as a kid using glue and lemonaid, is the only one that makes it to the table, along with a group salad.
Next we see all 15 Wanna-bes in the Room of Judgement with the Selection Committee. They call up the team of Juba, Jeff, and Orchid and say mostly nice things. Except Bride of Fogelstein, who has to put in her two cents.
Next week...? Someone gets eliminated after the Quickfire! I mean the Camera Challenge! Or whatever the #*%!@ it's called. Woo hoo!
Posted by theminx on Minxeats.com.