Recipes from Rachel vs. Guy Celebrity Cook-off Finale

The recipes from the finale are up! Find the recipe for Lou Diamond Phillip's Skirt Steak here. The recipe for his "off-white" salad with prosecco-poached pears is here. And the recipes for his "German Wedding" cake and "Pucker Up, Yvonne," are here and here.

Sorry, no Coolio recipes were provided from this episode. A shame, because I would love the recipe for his cherry-glazed short ribs.

Posted on Minxeats.com.

Macaroni and Cheese

I have a confession. I grew up in a macaroni and cheese-free household.

Well, not entirely - my grandmother, who lived downstairs, often made Kraft Dinner for my Uncle Frank, and occasionally I'd snag a few forkfuls of it. I honestly don't have any memory of my own mother making mac and cheese before the mid-80s, by which time I was an adult.

Something changed in my mom after we moved from our apartment in Fells Point to bigger digs in north Baltimore. In the 70s and early 80s, she was all about the Shake 'n' Bake, Prego, and canned green beans. (Canned asparagus too. I didn't know the stuff even existed in a fresh state until the 80s.) From the mid-80s onward, however, she made tomato sauce from scratch and became rather adventurous in the kitchen. One dish she made fairly often was macaroni and cheese, which she usually threw together when there was a surplus of cheese in the fridge. (It happened more than occasionally. We are a family of cheese lovers.) Mom always baked it in a round glass casserole dish that had to be 14" in diameter, so it held a helluva lot of cheesy, carby, deliciousness. And between the three of us (Mom, my brother, and me), we usually ate about 3/4 of it before realizing we were pigs and putting the remainder in the fridge. If Dad was lucky, he got some. Maybe.

One of mom's innovations to the classic breadcrumb topping was to add thinly-sliced tomatoes as well. In the heat of the oven, they would dry out, become slightly chewy, and intensify in flavor, adding a little bit of fruity goodness to an otherwise completely guilty dish.

Mac and cheese doesn't have to be completely fat-tastic though. We only ever have 1% milk in our house, and that makes as fine a cream sauce as any. Reduced-fat cheese is ok to use too, just not the fat-free stuff because it won't melt properly.

Baked Macaroni and Cheese

1 cup onion, diced
olive oil
pinch salt
1 pound dry elbow macaroni
3 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons flour
3 cups milk
3 cups shredded cheese, preferably a mix of cheddar, swiss, jack, and whatever else you have on hand
1 teaspoon kosher salt
Fresh black pepper
pinch freshly grated nutmeg
3 tablespoons Italian-style bread crumbs
1 large tomato, sliced thinly, or 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, halved

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large saucepan over medium-low heat, cook the onion in a bit of olive oil and a pinch of salt until softened and light brown in color, about fifteen minutes. Remove onions to a bowl.

In a dutch oven full of boiling salted water, cook the pasta to al dente. Drain and return pasta back to the pot.

While the pasta is cooking, melt the butter in the pan used to cook the onions. Make a roux by adding the flour and whisking to make sure there are no lumps. Slowly whisk in the milk and bring to the boil. Turn down the heat (to prevent boil-overs) and cook for five minutes or so, until the mixture thickens and coats a spoon. Stir in the onion and about 3/4 of the cheese. Season with salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Pour over the macaroni in the dutch oven and stir well to combine. Put macaroni mixture into a 9 x 13 baking pan, and sprinkle with remaining cheese. Top with crumbs and sliced tomatoes.

Bake for 30-40 minutes until browned and bubbly.

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Blue Agave

Blue Agave is one of those restaurants I've always wanted to visit, but due to the challenges in finding a parking space in Federal Hill and their once-odd hours (they were closed on Tuesdays, for example), we never managed to do so. Their Restaurant Week menu looked good enough to entice us to try harder this time, and an early reservation rewarded us with knowledge that there are parking spots to be found before 5pm during the week.

Hey, I work banker's hours and can practically walk to Federal Hill. It makes absolutely no sense for me to go home in the opposite direction and then drive back downtown.

Despite the attraction to the Restaurant Week menu, we ended up ordering off the regular menu and saved some $ by skipping dessert. After devouring a basket of Blue Agave's addictive, freshly-fried, and lightly salted corn tortilla chips served with a trio of salsas, there was no way we could have eaten three more courses. With the chips, Mr Minx had a Dos Equus Amber, and I tried the Spicy Guavarita. Guava can be pretty sweet, but tempered with lime and pineapple juices and a nice dose of chili-infused anejo tequila, it makes for a well-balanced and exotic variation on a margarita. Make sure to try it with a salted rim for maximum flavor impact.

For a first course, we tried the Entremes Surtido, an assortment of appetizer-y goodies. The plate was heaped high with a somewhat-dry corn cake topped with three small chipotle-flavored shrimp, two crispy chicken flautas, a simply delicious crisp-and-melty shrimp quesadilla, a queso-stuffed jalapeno, fresh guac and salsa, and a chile/cheese tamal with an unusually moist and cornbread-like texture.

At this point, I was already full, but I pressed on with my entrée, a platter of chicken enchiladas verde with red chile rice and black beans (which I subbed for refried beans). While the dish was simple fare, the typical stuff one might find in any Mexican restaurant, it was well-prepared. The chicken thigh meat was juicy and flavorful, the cheese was melty, the corn tortilla wrappers fork tender. And the portion was large enough to afford me a lunch for later in the week.

Mr Minx tried the carnitas, which came with corn tortillas, refried beans, pico de gallo, and a radish salad. I'm forever trying to find an equal to the carnitas I ate in San Diego 20+ years ago, and these weren't it. However, the slightly sweet meat was intensely porky, very soft, and perfectly tasty when rolled up in a soft corn tortilla with a squeeze of lime.

Service was a little slow, despite the restaurant being mostly empty, but I thought our server was otherwise lovely. The wait between courses allowed us to eavesdrop on the amusing conversation held by the loud people at the next table who insisted on pronounced "empanada" with a ñ so it sounded like "empiñata." Conjuring mental images of people using sticks to hit giant empanadas that rained picadillo upon them was an amusing way to pass the time.

Blue Agave Restaurante Y Tequileria
1032 Light St
Baltimore, MD 21230
(410) 576-3938
blueagaverestaurant.com



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Rachel vs Guy Celebrity Cook-Off Episode 5 and Finale Recap

I'm imagining a conversation something like this went down at the Food Network last week.

Susie Fogelson: Hey, Tushie, do you think it's a good idea to run the finale of the        Celebrity Cook-Off opposite the Super Bowl?
Bob Tushman: Super Bowl? What's that?
Susie Fogelson: You know, that game where large men in tight shiny pants chase        each other around a big field?
Bob Tushman: Is that the game with penetration in the backfield? Oh yeah! I like        the Super Bowl! Hmmm...guess it's a bad idea to try to compete with men in        shiny pants, huh?

Thus, in the infinite wisdom of the Food Network brass, both the fifth and sixth episodes of Rachael vs. Guy Celebrity Cook-Off had to be aired back-to-back this weekend. Ack! That's two hours of note-taking and trying not to fall asleep in front of the television for me. It was difficult, but I managed to struggle through with the aid of a big bowl of ice cream and a couple of cookies. The three shots of Bailey's were a bit counter-productive, however.

So. Despite going through 60 minutes of hell for you, the reader, I'm going to spare you a long, drawn-out recap. Rather than being twice as long as usual, I'm making it only half-again as long as usual. Because I'm nice that way.

Anyhoo...there are four celebrities left, two on Guy's Team (Coolio and FatOne) and two on Rachael's Team (LDP and Taylor). For the first challenge of the evening, the team-mates are competing against each other because only one person from each team can compete in the finale "next week." The task at hand: to make a three item menu for a dinner party for ten people, comprising "dear friends" of Rachael and Guy. In other words, people whom they've begged to come in off the street. Each celebrity must create a meaty main course, a starchy dish, and a vegetable, all in two hours.

Guy's team goes first and each of his team members meet with him to do menu planning. FatOne wants guidance but Coolio comes up with his own menu of ghetto-fabulous dishes.

During the cooking, it looks like FatOne has really bitten off more than he can chew, since he's not all that familiar with any of the three dishes he's making. He's really sweating it.

Coolio is his usual hyper self, for some reason shouting "Shaka Zulu!" every ten minutes. It gets quite annoying after the first time a while.

When time is up, the guests arrive to dine. Besides his mother, Penny Ferry, Guy has arranged for three random guys to partake in the meal. Coolio serves first: "Fork steak;" arugula salad; and "Gitalian" bread. The "g" is for "ghetto," natch. Then FatOne serves his dinner: cauliflower puree with roasted veg; roasted chicken; and linguini with clam sauce. The diners all seem to enjoy the meals, praising both veg and starch courses. Coolio's steak was tender but otherwise not impressive, and FatOne's chicken was dry in spots.

Then it's Team Rach's turn to cook. She tells her team to do family-style Italian, so LDP takes on lasagna with ground lamb rather than his usual turkey, chicken saltimbocca, and roasted kale. Like FatOne's menu, this one sounds a bit too ambitious for the time period. Taylor is doing polenta with a sausage ragu, veal marsala, and broccoli rabe, none of which she's ever cooked before. Ut-oh!

Cooking ensues and for a minute there it looks like LDP is going to lose it over a bottle of wine that doesn't meet his flavor expectations, but he gets it together and finishes all of his dishes in time.

Rach's special guests include Grub Street writer Josh Ozersky and a handful of her sycophants. Taylor serves her meal first; while the polenta is good, her veal is salty and tough. She couldn't make the broccoli rabe work, so she threw together a caprese salad at the last minute; Ozersky seemed to think it was a fine idea. LDP then serves the meal of his life, with everything praised, except for slightly salty kale. Ozersky likes the lasagna so much he wants to eat it out of a trough.

The verdict: while nobody "ran away with it," LDP and Coolio are declared the winners. Taylor and FatOne don't get to go home though...they have one more battle to see who can take home $5,000 for his or her charity. This Blind Tasting challenge will be super-sized at 20 minutes, with the celebs able to cook anything they want. FatOne figures he can cook rice in 20 minutes so does a fried rice, while Taylor goes to her Jewish roots and makes matzo ball soup. While both are delicious, FatOne's is more creative and he gets the cash for the FatOne Family charity.

Ok, now let's pretend it's "next week." The Finale episode opens up with sexay scenes of Coolio and LDP getting ready for their big day.

After a few more minutes of drinking coffee and doing situps, the two get dressed and head out to the venue at 583 Park Avenue. Rachael and Guy are there to give them their final challenge, which is, essentially, Restaurant Wars! That's right, Food Network is once again ripping off Top Chef! The two celebs have to prepare three courses with two choices each for 40 diners, and decorate a dining room. They do get help in the form of former teammates Taylor Dayne and Joey FatOne, who will be in charge of the front of the house for them. Additionally, they get three professional chefs in the kitchen, plus a wait staff.

Their restaurants will be judged by the diners who will write Zagat-style reviews, and the winner will be announced by none other than the Zagats themselves.

First the celebs name their restaurants and plan menus with their team leader. LDP has chosen to call his place "Blessings," (gag) and he's doing fine dining food. Coolio's joint will be called "Chez Cooly's" featuring his usual ghetto-inflected comfort food. They then have to select decorative items for their restaurants from a limited selection of tablecloths, napkins, and tchotchkes. Coolio has a brown and beige color scheme in mind, but Taylor grabs the items with those colors before he does. Coolio pouts, declares that he's quitting, then stomps out. I'm thinking, yay! the episode ends right here and LDP wins by default! But no, Coolio comes back, settles for an all-orange theme, and the celebs get to work.

Taylor takes her job seriously. It's almost as if she's run a restaurant before. FatOne seems a bit befuddled, especially with the orange tablecloths and stuff.

In the kitchen, LDP is all professional; Coolio gets distracted and stares into space a lot. While yelling "Shaka Zulu" every five minutes.

Soon the very brief 4 hours of prep and cooking time is up and guests start to arrive. Coolio and LDP act all intimidated by the fact that the Zagats are around. They're just two fat-asses who like to eat. That's like being intimidated by...me.

The judges eat at Chez Cooly's first, where they hate the decor. Coolio's menu includes the "east El Segundo oyster" (oyster po' boy bruschetta), "King Cool-ocado" (fried avocado stuffed with crab), cherry bbq short ribs with asparagus and polenta, "finger-lickin' chicken" in creamy sauce with potatoes, lemon pudding cake, and a sweet potato cheesecake. Service is a bit slow because the short ribs are undercooked and require some time in the deep fryer to achieve tenderness. The guests don't seem to mind that much because: 1) they're eating for free; 2) FatOne is keeping them happy with lots and lots of wine. Overall, the food is pretty good, and the judges like both apps and entrees, but aren't entirely thrilled with the cheesecake.

Then they head to Blessings, where they love absolutely everything. LDP's menu includes an "off-white" salad with butter-and-prosecco-poached pears, "Two Crabby" (crab claw bloody Mary and a crab-filled arancino), Cio-Filipino with prosciutto-wrapped cod, and "LDP's Asian Surf and Turf" (skirt steak with lobster mash). Desserts are a version of his lemon-curd-filled puff pastries, only using cream puffs this time, and "German Wedding," an amalgamation of German Chocolate Cake and Black Forest Cake.

A bit later, after service, the Zagats read Zagat Guide-style reviews for the two restaurants. The celeb with the highest Zagat rating gets the $50,000 for his charity. If LDP wins, the money goes to Share Our Strength No Kid Hungry, and if Coolio wins, the money goes to Music Saves Lives.

And the winner is....

LDP, with a Zagat rating of 28 out of 30! Coolio ends up with 23 out of 30, which is still pretty good, but second place. Luckily the Food Network is generous and awards his charity $10,000 just for putting up with him.

Next week: The Super Bowl! Patriots vs Giants! Who cares?! Shaka Zulu!

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