Cue suspenseful music: ♫dum dum DUM!♪
Ok, so it's probably not worth trying to make this more interesting than it is, since nobody really cares. And there are still ten Wanna-bes left in this competition, which means what? Another 7 or 8 weeks? Sigh.
Anyhoo, we also see that Middle Eastern Penny is turning into Richard Nixon. She's so paranoid, she thinks all of the Wanna-bes are against her, particularly the "clique" of Susie, Jyll, and Mary Beth.
Eventually we see all the Wanna-bes and wacktoids get into their sponsorship mobiles and go to Mel's Drive-In, where of course King Douche Guy Fieri is waiting around the corner, ready to pull up in his rented convertible.
Each episode of DDD generally has five parts, and two each of the Wanna-bes will play at filling these roles, with four chances (takes) to get it right.
The open: Vic and Susie
The chef interview: Whitney and Frat Boy
The owner interview: Mary Beth and Orchid
The server interview: Penny and Jeff
Full rundown: Jyll and Justin D
Because this is yet another damn 90-minute shit-fest, we are forced to watch each and every Wanna-be strut their stuff in front of the cameras. Most performances are decent enough. Vic starts things off and doesn't seem too bad until we see Guy making fun of his "can't put my arms down because my biceps are too big" walk. Whitney and Mary Beth both seem pretty comfortable with their segments.
Justin D, as last week, has a problem with saying too little and finishing too early (his poor wife!). On his second take, however, he seems possessed by some new hip-hop-style douche who waves his arms around and makes gang signs. Kinda like Guy Fieri.
Guy assigns the dishes to the Wanna-bes:
Vic gets lobster rolls
Mary Beth gets BBQ chicken
Penny gets sausage and peppers
Jeff gets beer and pretzels
Jyll gets carne asada and pico de gallo
Whitney gets hot dogs and baked beans
Justin D gets hamburgers and watermelon
Susie gets pork ribs and cole slaw
Orchid gets brisket and mac and cheese
Frat Boy gets shrimp and corn on the cob
With only 2 hours to cook, Orchid is nervous that she's been assigned brisket, but rather than buying a cut of meat that would take less time to cook, she buys an actual brisket. Most of the other chefs do a more creative riff on their dishes. Jeff is turning his pretzels into a crunchy coating for chicken, which of course he will be putting in a sandwich served with a beer-infused sauce. Middle Eastern Penny is throwing the whole sausage and peppers thing out the window and making lamb kabobs with a tabbouleh salad. Vic is taking his lobster roll to Vegas by adding caviar and lots of garlic.
After the cooking is done, we again see Middle Eastern Penny whine about how nobody likes her. Jyll calls her out and basically tells her that she reaps what she sows. But Penny is "done with it." Last week she was "thrown under the bus." Wanna bet next week she says, "I'm not here to make friends?" That woman could be her own drinking game.
Frat Boy is up first. He gets into it but takes too long and doesn't pay attention to the dude telling him how much time he has left. He's not bad, but he doesn't finish and also doesn't take a breath the entire time he's on stage. Susie, who seems to be becoming a favorite of the judges, talks about her Mexican family and the Latin twist she adds to her version of coleslaw. Bride of Fogelstein and company loves her. They're also really fond of Jeff, who comes out with a guitar and a headband and proclaims himself to be the King of Sandwiches.
And Justin D shows yet another persona, but not his own.
Jyll is just stupid. She says she's not familiar with Mexican food, since she's from the Midwest (yes, we've heard your boring-ass shtick before), so she makes a non-Latin carne asada. However, she claims to be using "traditional" "mancheNgo" cheese. Well, first of all, it's manchego, no second n. Second, it's a Spanish cheese. From Spain. Whole different continent and culture there, kiddo. Bobby then insults her taco, saying it looked as if a 5-year-old made it. <insert dirty joke here>
Justin D has confused Tushface who wants to know which persona is the real Justin. Jyll seemed defeated from the start, both promising and delivering lousy food. While her persona is polished, she'd be better off on the Weather Channel than the Food Network.
That leaves Jyll, Justin D, and Orchid on the bottom. Jyll's eternally perky persona is unnerving, and Orchid hasn't shown any growth in the past five weeks. But Justin's strange new Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde persona switcheroo left as bad a taste in the judges' mouth as did his unseasoned hamburger.
I kinda liked Justin D - a fellow food blogger - and am sorry to see him go. But he was starting to embarrass himself and it was time. Now to get rid of everyone else....
Next week - food truck showdown and Tyler Florence. Whee.
Posted by theminx on Minxeats.com.
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