Monday, January 02, 2012
Rachael vs Guy Celebrity Cook-Off
There are only eight contestants, each of which are "celebrities." In this day and age, that can mean anything, from Kardashians to talking dogs. Personally, I'd prefer talking dogs to just about any one of these people: Olympic gold medalist Summer Sanders; actor Lou Diamond Phillips; 'N Stync'er Joey FatOne; singer and plastic surgery freak Taylor Dayne; weirdo Coolio; and comedian Cheech Marin. Inexplicably, the competition also features two scrawny people who possibly suffer from eating disorders - Alyssa Campanella, current Miss USA, and a guy who I only know as someone vaguely associated with Paris Hilton, but I'm told he's a singer, Aaron Carter. These two are super skinny - you can't convince me that either of them takes nutrition orally. And Carter looks like a douchebag on top of it.
Team Guy is Coolio, Cheech, Alyssa, and FatOne
Team Rachel is Lou, Aaron, Summer, and Taylor
Taylor is obviously picked last because nobody wants to take the risk of having her lip implants explode and leak toxic chemicals into the food.
The challenge for this episode is to cater the first non-annual "Celebrity" Cook-Off Food "Festival," held in some remote place near Trenton, NJ. Each celeb is responsible for one food item that will feed 150 people. The teams go off to work out their menu, with the help of their "mentors," Rach and Guy. Basically Rach and Guy tell each team member what to do, except for Lou and Cheech, who already have dishes in mind. I predict that these two will be the last men standing, with Lou coming out the winner.
Anyhoo...Rachel gives her team the theme "Hot in the City," and Guy wants his to cook Mexican-ish food, with the theme, "Fiesta Loco." Sounds about right. In addition to food, each team has to provide entertainment to the crowd. The audience will then vote, and the team that is awarded the most tokens is the winner. The two worst performers from the losing team will have to duke it out in a separate challenge to determine who is going home.
During the 30 minutes of prep, we find that Aaron is a real moron. Rachel has assigned to him a pasta salad with Ranch dressing and grilled jalapenos that she insists will taste like jalapeno poppers. I'm not sure where the macaroni and Ranch dressing comes into play in a dish of jalapeno poppers, but she's the "expert" so I'll take her word for it. [eyeroll] Aaron is distressed when he discovers that he has to make the dressing from scratch - he doesn't even get to use the little package of Hidden Valley seasonings! So he mixes sour cream, bottled Thousand Island, some hot sauce, and who knows what else. Definitely saliva and tears. He's pretty sure the end result is awful, but he makes sure by giving Summer some to taste. She gags, and he wisely takes that as a clue to start over again.
Not soon enough, time's up and the 150 "festival" attendees crowd into camera range and rush the tables to sample food. They all seem to adore Lou Diamond's "turbo" ribs, which he marinated in veggies and salsa, boiled in the marinade, then finished on the grill.
Eventually, the crowd is shooed away and Rach and Guy dole out the verdict. Lou's ribs were unanimously voted to be the best dish of the day. Guy then tells Cheech that his sliders were also very good. Only Cheech didn't make sliders - he made shredded beef wrapped in tortillas. Guy was apparently hitting Miss USA's tequila milkshakes a bit too hard.
While the voting was close - the winner and loser separated by 14 votes - Team Guy takes the victory. That means two from Team Rachael are on the chopping block. Summer's corn dish is safe, leaving bland Aaron and spicy Taylor to duke it out. Now, each of them must create a dish in 10 minutes using a "mystery menu item," which turns out to be shrimp. How boring! Wouldn't it have been more fun to see their reaction to raw squid? or Buddha's hand? or huitlacoche? Both decide to make boring shrimp/garlic/pasta dishes, which are then served to Guy and Rachael in a blind taste test. After hemming and hawing about how one dish needed more herbs and the other needed more something, they choose Taylor's dish as the winner and give Aaron the well-deserved boot.
Next week: dessert battle!
So...should I bother recapping for the next couple of weeks? The Food Network doesn't even seem to care about the show, since they don't have any recap videos up on their site. Do you care? Did anyone watch?
Posted by theminx on Minxeats.com.
Labels: celebrities, Celebrity Cook-Off, Food Network, fumetti, fumetto, Guy Fieri, humor, morons, parody, Rachael Ray
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