Stupid Yelp Reviews

This image was generated by Adobe Firefly AI with the prompt: "a couple sitting in a restaurant, the woman making a face like something tastes bad". So this isn't exactly what I wanted, but it pretty much sums up how I feel about Yelpers. (The Yelpers are represented by the slop on the plates.)

I don't use Yelp. I feel that many review sites and message boards are populated with people who are either truly mean or truly stupid (I'm looking at you, Next Door). That's not to say that I won't give a place a bad review if it is deserved--I've done so here several times. But if I say something bad about a restaurant or a book or a product I purchased on Amazon.com, it's because the restaurant or book or product was faulty/incorrect/just plain bad. I don't give something one star because the shipping took too long or that parking wasn't available. That fact has no bearing on the product or place at all, and it's not fair to use that as the basis for a review. There's a lot of that on Yelp, and I'm sharing examples of stupid and/or mean low-star reviews here so you know exactly what I'm talking about. Italics are mine.

True Chesapeake

May 5, 2021

1 star

Michael O, an "Elite" Yelper from DC had not even eaten at True Chesapeake when he left this review. Clearly the man didn't understand that: 1) the patio was part of the restaurant; 2) it was damn hard to find people who wanted to work during the pandemic. The restaurant likely couldn't afford to spare a server for outside tables after a particular time. He chose to read minds, make assumptions, and generally feel superior. If he asked, "AITA?" the resounding response would be "Yes!"

We went here on the weekend about 10-15 minutes after 2:30 PM. There were still 3 outdoor tables unoccupied and we approached one of the waiters if we could be seated for beers and oysters. At first, he was willing to seat us but had to check up with supervisor inside. The supervisor informed us that they stopped seating prior to 3pm. According to website, they close at 3pm. Ok no biggie, but we decided to get food from another place at White Hall and returned to the same patio. Once we were settled at one of the patio tables and already eating our food, we were interrupted by one of the Oyster restaurant employees (who was Asian . . were they worried that we didn't speak English . . . Perhaps Unconscious Bias) who told us we couldn't sit there. Note there were two other employees that saw us and didn't bother to tell us to move before we had our food set up already. We reasoned that prior to Oyster place reopening this was not an issue to sit down. Anyhow the employee stood her ground but we were annoyed. There was no signage to say that patio had transitioned to restaurant only. To make matters worst the Asian employee echoed that although they stop seating at 2:30 pm they continue service until 5:00 pm. Note to management: probably unwise to turn people away who want to eat and drink since there were still tables available on patio.

Nov 5, 2022

3 stars

John G. from Baltimore fancies himself the expert on Smith Island cake and because True Chesapeake's version wasn't exactly the same, he dinged the whole meal for it. I've had TC's Smith Island Cake and thought it was great. In fact, I'm disappointed that it's not a permanent part of the dessert menu.

The food was pretty good and the service reasonably attentive. But that's not what I want to talk about. They had a Smith Island cake on the desert menu. It didn't taste right, and the texture wasn't right, so I asked our server, and she confirmed that they have someone come in and make it for them. It was disappointing for us, but an insult to Smith Island, and for a restaurant that calls itself True Chesapeake, a slap in the face to the Chesapeake.

Cosima

Feb 19, 2018

2 stars

Lia A. from Lutherville-Timonium, MD probably spends too much time watching the Food Network and playing on Instagram if she's so concerned that the actual, real, honest-to-dog Chef at Cosima isn't a "foodie chef." What even is a "foodie chef?" I think that Lia A. is one of those "foodies" who makes the word an insult. She's a person who has a little bit of knowledge about the subject, which makes her dangerous, but not correct. 

Definitely wouldn't go back. Neither would anyone at my table of four. Ambiance, wait staff, hostess, building and drinks are all great (the atmosphere is very cool) but the food is pretty bad if you're a real foodie. There is zero refinement to the dishes. The arancini balls were terrible - nothing like you'd find in Italy or at a good Italian place. The pizza was fine but not preferred over most of the pizza places nearby. The main course was muddled and over seasoned and we picked at it. These prices are crazy for food worse than a chain macaroni grill! The food quality, style, preparation and taste are well below the atmosphere. They squirted chocolate sauce that tasted only a little better than cheap Hershey sauce all over my cannoli. No foodie chef would do that. We paid so much for that food too. Why treat a cannoli like a Dunkin' donut? No refinement. None.

Kung Fu 12

Nov 4, 2023

1 star

I have one thing to say to Towanda M. from Philadelphia, PA. KUNG FU 12 IS A CHINESE RESTAURANT, SO WHY DID YOU ORDER THAI FOOD? 

The food lacks favor and is plain. I had the pad Thai, the noodles were over cook without any other ingredients than chicken.Thai basil chicken did not have any sauce or fresh basil. This was huge disappointment .

Apr 5, 2022

2 stars

Hey, Claudia C. Elite 24 from Essex, MD, if you don't like authentic Sichuan food, why did you go all the way to Towson for lunch? Do any Chinese restaurant menus list every vegetable that appears in every dish? KF12 doesn't offer wonton soup for their lunches because they don't offer a small sized portion of wonton soup at all. Nobody was stopping her from ordering plain chicken with vegetables, which is listed on the regular menu. Just because it's lunchtime it doesn't mean you have to order from the lunch specials. In all honesty, there was absolutely no reason for Claudia to leave a review at all because what she did say seemed more vengeful than something that might help future diners.

We visited this place new to us today upon the recommendation of a friend, he said it was excellent. So we took him at his word and went to try it out.

Now to the food....these were lunch specials. my husband had the Pineapple with pepper/beef ($11.95), I had the General Tso's chicken($9.50). Both were served with white rice. You have a choice of ONLY hot and sour soup or egg drop soup and a spring roll with the lunch special (I am wondering where's the standard wonton soup?) No such luck! I asked for it and the server said no.That was disappointing.

Both came out at the same time and the presentation was beautiful. The beef and green peppers and pineapple was too spicy, it is not indicated on the menu. The General Tso's was very spicy, almost to the point of clearing your sinuses.

The lunch menu does not describe what is in each dish, such as vegetables and what kind of vegetables, you have to ask, and that got tedious real fast. Actually what I wanted was some chicken with mixed vege's, again no such luck.

A pot of tea is included with the meal, you have to request it. It had a smokey taste to it.

Their food appears to be geared more toward the hardcore Chinese food rather than the Americanized Chinese food we are used to. I say this because of the menu selections that are other than lunch specials.

Portions are right on target, not too much and not too little, prices are a bit on the high side for the main menu.

Probably won't be back.

Red Pepper Sichuan Bistro

Dec 31, 2022

1 star

Ty F., from Towson, MD is a moron. This is a Yelp review for Red Pepper Sichuan Bistro, not GrubHub. If you have a problem with the restaurant, you should talk about the restaurant, not the delivery service. I'm pretty sure you can't be allergic to fried foods. However, if you think you are, then why order a dish that is fried? My brother's allergic to peanuts, but he's not stupid enough to order kung pao chicken and request that the peanuts be left out. The menu at Red Pepper is huge--order something else? Also, did Ty F actually threaten a GrubHub employee? What a loser.

The fact that the restaurant sent fried chicken instead of steamed chicken despite our request, because my SO is allergic to fried food is the least of my complaints.

We got the delivery from DoorDash, because the GrubHub website was not working properly. When I hit the submit button on THREE SEPARATE TRIES, the page said something was wrong, try again. I bailed and used DoorDash. That worked.

As I'm finishing up I notice an email from Yelp/GrubHub that my order (Order #483221171916533) went through. I call GrubHub and explain that their web site is broken and we bailed and we never saw a sign that the purchase went through. I told the person on the phone to cancel the order. He said it was too late to cancel. I told him that was the wrong answer. I told him this was their web site making an error THREE TIMES and if he didn't cancel it, things would not go well for him.

I hung up, called my credit card company and put a stop on the purchase. They said the transaction was still pending, but I could stop it, if Yelp/Grubhub decided to be foolish and posted it.

PS: Apple's HEIC picture format has been around for over a year. Please tell your web people to also change the site so those files don't need to be converted to .jpg or .jpeg first.

Nov 21, 2019

1 star

Mac N Mj M. of Las Vegas, NV is another moron. Why give Red Pepper the low rating if you're mad at GrubHub?

Couldn't tell you how the food was, driver was rude, the address was off by 4 numbers, yep my fault, he trashed my food, His words not mine. Not a slam on Red Pepper, was looking forward to the food. More a slam on Grub Hub.

Nov 17, 2022

1 star

Red Pepper had the misfortune of having Thomas B. of MD, MD as a guest on my birthday. He is clearly a moron. Red Pepper's menu is quite large and yes, they offer mostly more traditional dishes. Thomas B. might enjoy Szechuan House more because they seem to cater to white people with no tastebuds.

Don't waste your time or money here. They have a very small menu, and I understand that 90% of the dishes on the menu are traditional Chinese dishes with that said the service is subpar at best the food is bland and without flavor. I had a chicken dish and my wife a beef dish but were really bad. The only bright spot here was my 15 year olds orange chicken. If you want good Chinese food go to Joey chens in Green spring station.

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Posted on Minxeats.com.

Rachael vs Guy Celebrity Cook-Off

Call me crazy, but I think this show might be a trainwreck worth recapping.

There are only eight contestants, each of which are "celebrities." In this day and age, that can mean anything, from Kardashians to talking dogs. Personally, I'd prefer talking dogs to just about any one of these people: Olympic gold medalist Summer Sanders; actor Lou Diamond Phillips; 'N Stync'er Joey FatOne; singer and plastic surgery freak Taylor Dayne; weirdo Coolio; and comedian Cheech Marin. Inexplicably, the competition also features two scrawny people who possibly suffer from eating disorders - Alyssa Campanella, current Miss USA, and a guy who I only know as someone vaguely associated with Paris Hilton, but I'm told he's a singer, Aaron Carter. These two are super skinny - you can't convince me that either of them takes nutrition orally. And Carter looks like a douchebag on top of it.

The show starts with each "celeb" wandering onto the set, oohing and aahing, according to the script. Cheech Marin is first, followed by 21-year-old Alyssa. I guarantee she has no freaking clue who Cheech is. She does know FatOne, who oozes in next. Dayne comes in, introducing herself as a very talented singer. Apparently she's quite modest, too. Coolio enters the room, and he's either got to pee or has an infection or something, because he keeps grabbing his crotch. I hope he washes his hands before starting to cook.

Finally, two of the three most obnoxious personalities on the Food Network walk in - Rachael Ray and Guy Fieri.

You know, I think if Paula Deen were there, too, I'd change the channel and be done with it. Rachael and Guy pretend to be impressed by the celebs and get to picking teams after a quick round of Rock Paper Scissors, as suggested by the always-mature, 40-something Guy Fieri. Guy wins and chooses nutjob Coolio first. You know Guy's thinking that by contrast he's going to come out looking absolutely elegant and sophisticated.

Team Guy is Coolio, Cheech, Alyssa, and FatOne
Team Rachel is Lou, Aaron, Summer, and Taylor

Taylor is obviously picked last because nobody wants to take the risk of having her lip implants explode and leak toxic chemicals into the food.

The challenge for this episode is to cater the first non-annual "Celebrity" Cook-Off Food "Festival," held in some remote place near Trenton, NJ. Each celeb is responsible for one food item that will feed 150 people. The teams go off to work out their menu, with the help of their "mentors," Rach and Guy. Basically Rach and Guy tell each team member what to do, except for Lou and Cheech, who already have dishes in mind. I predict that these two will be the last men standing, with Lou coming out the winner.

Anyhoo...Rachel gives her team the theme "Hot in the City," and Guy wants his to cook Mexican-ish food, with the theme, "Fiesta Loco." Sounds about right. In addition to food, each team has to provide entertainment to the crowd. The audience will then vote, and the team that is awarded the most tokens is the winner. The two worst performers from the losing team will have to duke it out in a separate challenge to determine who is going home.

During the 30 minutes of prep, we find that Aaron is a real moron. Rachel has assigned to him a pasta salad with Ranch dressing and grilled jalapenos that she insists will taste like jalapeno poppers. I'm not sure where the macaroni and Ranch dressing comes into play in a dish of jalapeno poppers, but she's the "expert" so I'll take her word for it. [eyeroll] Aaron is distressed when he discovers that he has to make the dressing from scratch - he doesn't even get to use the little package of Hidden Valley seasonings! So he mixes sour cream, bottled Thousand Island, some hot sauce, and who knows what else. Definitely saliva and tears. He's pretty sure the end result is awful, but he makes sure by giving Summer some to taste. She gags, and he wisely takes that as a clue to start over again.

The next day, the gang heads to a remote pier at the end of nowhere to finish cooking for their "Food Festival."

Guy and Rachel come around to make sure everything is ready and give pointers to their celebs. Guy suggests that FatOne might have too much seasoning rub on his shrimp, and that Alyssa's ice cream might stay colder if she filled chafing dishes with ice and packed her servings into them. FatOne listens, but Alyssa thinks she knows better. Rachael doesn't gag at Aaron's salad, but she seems to have a perpetual "eww" expression on her face the whole time she's inspecting her team. She tells Lou that his ribs smell awesome, but she looks skeptical. And perhaps a bit scared of him.

Not soon enough, time's up and the 150 "festival" attendees crowd into camera range and rush the tables to sample food. They all seem to adore Lou Diamond's "turbo" ribs, which he marinated in veggies and salsa, boiled in the marinade, then finished on the grill.

Cheech's beef machaca rolled in tortillas is also a big hit. Surprisingly, Coolio's tilapia and bean tacos are also well-received. Of course, Alyssa's ice cream has melted, but she passes her Mexican bananas foster off as a milkshake instead; Summer's corn does pretty well, as does FatOne's shrimp. But Aaron's salad is bland, and Taylor's gazpacho shots, conversely, are too spicy.

Just when you think it's over, there's "entertainment." First Aaron and Taylor "sing." He's completely awful - did he really have a professional career? - but the crowd is probably too drunk off the tequila in Alyssa's bananas foster to care. Team Guy is smarter, avoiding the song and dance and instead bringing out a pinata and giving away kisses from FatOne and Miss USA.

Eventually, the crowd is shooed away and Rach and Guy dole out the verdict. Lou's ribs were unanimously voted to be the best dish of the day. Guy then tells Cheech that his sliders were also very good. Only Cheech didn't make sliders - he made shredded beef wrapped in tortillas. Guy was apparently hitting Miss USA's tequila milkshakes a bit too hard.

While the voting was close - the winner and loser separated by 14 votes - Team Guy takes the victory. That means two from Team Rachael are on the chopping block. Summer's corn dish is safe, leaving bland Aaron and spicy Taylor to duke it out. Now, each of them must create a dish in 10 minutes using a "mystery menu item," which turns out to be shrimp. How boring! Wouldn't it have been more fun to see their reaction to raw squid? or Buddha's hand? or huitlacoche? Both decide to make boring shrimp/garlic/pasta dishes, which are then served to Guy and Rachael in a blind taste test. After hemming and hawing about how one dish needed more herbs and the other needed more something, they choose Taylor's dish as the winner and give Aaron the well-deserved boot.

Next week: dessert battle!

So...should I bother recapping for the next couple of weeks? The Food Network doesn't even seem to care about the show, since they don't have any recap videos up on their site. Do you care? Did anyone watch?

Posted by theminx on Minxeats.com.