Stupid Yelp Reviews

This image was generated by Adobe Firefly AI with the prompt: "a couple sitting in a restaurant, the woman making a face like something tastes bad". So this isn't exactly what I wanted, but it pretty much sums up how I feel about Yelpers. (The Yelpers are represented by the slop on the plates.)

I don't use Yelp. I feel that many review sites and message boards are populated with people who are either truly mean or truly stupid (I'm looking at you, Next Door). That's not to say that I won't give a place a bad review if it is deserved--I've done so here several times. But if I say something bad about a restaurant or a book or a product I purchased on Amazon.com, it's because the restaurant or book or product was faulty/incorrect/just plain bad. I don't give something one star because the shipping took too long or that parking wasn't available. That fact has no bearing on the product or place at all, and it's not fair to use that as the basis for a review. There's a lot of that on Yelp, and I'm sharing examples of stupid and/or mean low-star reviews here so you know exactly what I'm talking about. Italics are mine.

True Chesapeake

May 5, 2021

1 star

Michael O, an "Elite" Yelper from DC had not even eaten at True Chesapeake when he left this review. Clearly the man didn't understand that: 1) the patio was part of the restaurant; 2) it was damn hard to find people who wanted to work during the pandemic. The restaurant likely couldn't afford to spare a server for outside tables after a particular time. He chose to read minds, make assumptions, and generally feel superior. If he asked, "AITA?" the resounding response would be "Yes!"

We went here on the weekend about 10-15 minutes after 2:30 PM. There were still 3 outdoor tables unoccupied and we approached one of the waiters if we could be seated for beers and oysters. At first, he was willing to seat us but had to check up with supervisor inside. The supervisor informed us that they stopped seating prior to 3pm. According to website, they close at 3pm. Ok no biggie, but we decided to get food from another place at White Hall and returned to the same patio. Once we were settled at one of the patio tables and already eating our food, we were interrupted by one of the Oyster restaurant employees (who was Asian . . were they worried that we didn't speak English . . . Perhaps Unconscious Bias) who told us we couldn't sit there. Note there were two other employees that saw us and didn't bother to tell us to move before we had our food set up already. We reasoned that prior to Oyster place reopening this was not an issue to sit down. Anyhow the employee stood her ground but we were annoyed. There was no signage to say that patio had transitioned to restaurant only. To make matters worst the Asian employee echoed that although they stop seating at 2:30 pm they continue service until 5:00 pm. Note to management: probably unwise to turn people away who want to eat and drink since there were still tables available on patio.

Nov 5, 2022

3 stars

John G. from Baltimore fancies himself the expert on Smith Island cake and because True Chesapeake's version wasn't exactly the same, he dinged the whole meal for it. I've had TC's Smith Island Cake and thought it was great. In fact, I'm disappointed that it's not a permanent part of the dessert menu.

The food was pretty good and the service reasonably attentive. But that's not what I want to talk about. They had a Smith Island cake on the desert menu. It didn't taste right, and the texture wasn't right, so I asked our server, and she confirmed that they have someone come in and make it for them. It was disappointing for us, but an insult to Smith Island, and for a restaurant that calls itself True Chesapeake, a slap in the face to the Chesapeake.

Cosima

Feb 19, 2018

2 stars

Lia A. from Lutherville-Timonium, MD probably spends too much time watching the Food Network and playing on Instagram if she's so concerned that the actual, real, honest-to-dog Chef at Cosima isn't a "foodie chef." What even is a "foodie chef?" I think that Lia A. is one of those "foodies" who makes the word an insult. She's a person who has a little bit of knowledge about the subject, which makes her dangerous, but not correct. 

Definitely wouldn't go back. Neither would anyone at my table of four. Ambiance, wait staff, hostess, building and drinks are all great (the atmosphere is very cool) but the food is pretty bad if you're a real foodie. There is zero refinement to the dishes. The arancini balls were terrible - nothing like you'd find in Italy or at a good Italian place. The pizza was fine but not preferred over most of the pizza places nearby. The main course was muddled and over seasoned and we picked at it. These prices are crazy for food worse than a chain macaroni grill! The food quality, style, preparation and taste are well below the atmosphere. They squirted chocolate sauce that tasted only a little better than cheap Hershey sauce all over my cannoli. No foodie chef would do that. We paid so much for that food too. Why treat a cannoli like a Dunkin' donut? No refinement. None.

Kung Fu 12

Nov 4, 2023

1 star

I have one thing to say to Towanda M. from Philadelphia, PA. KUNG FU 12 IS A CHINESE RESTAURANT, SO WHY DID YOU ORDER THAI FOOD? 

The food lacks favor and is plain. I had the pad Thai, the noodles were over cook without any other ingredients than chicken.Thai basil chicken did not have any sauce or fresh basil. This was huge disappointment .

Apr 5, 2022

2 stars

Hey, Claudia C. Elite 24 from Essex, MD, if you don't like authentic Sichuan food, why did you go all the way to Towson for lunch? Do any Chinese restaurant menus list every vegetable that appears in every dish? KF12 doesn't offer wonton soup for their lunches because they don't offer a small sized portion of wonton soup at all. Nobody was stopping her from ordering plain chicken with vegetables, which is listed on the regular menu. Just because it's lunchtime it doesn't mean you have to order from the lunch specials. In all honesty, there was absolutely no reason for Claudia to leave a review at all because what she did say seemed more vengeful than something that might help future diners.

We visited this place new to us today upon the recommendation of a friend, he said it was excellent. So we took him at his word and went to try it out.

Now to the food....these were lunch specials. my husband had the Pineapple with pepper/beef ($11.95), I had the General Tso's chicken($9.50). Both were served with white rice. You have a choice of ONLY hot and sour soup or egg drop soup and a spring roll with the lunch special (I am wondering where's the standard wonton soup?) No such luck! I asked for it and the server said no.That was disappointing.

Both came out at the same time and the presentation was beautiful. The beef and green peppers and pineapple was too spicy, it is not indicated on the menu. The General Tso's was very spicy, almost to the point of clearing your sinuses.

The lunch menu does not describe what is in each dish, such as vegetables and what kind of vegetables, you have to ask, and that got tedious real fast. Actually what I wanted was some chicken with mixed vege's, again no such luck.

A pot of tea is included with the meal, you have to request it. It had a smokey taste to it.

Their food appears to be geared more toward the hardcore Chinese food rather than the Americanized Chinese food we are used to. I say this because of the menu selections that are other than lunch specials.

Portions are right on target, not too much and not too little, prices are a bit on the high side for the main menu.

Probably won't be back.

Red Pepper Sichuan Bistro

Dec 31, 2022

1 star

Ty F., from Towson, MD is a moron. This is a Yelp review for Red Pepper Sichuan Bistro, not GrubHub. If you have a problem with the restaurant, you should talk about the restaurant, not the delivery service. I'm pretty sure you can't be allergic to fried foods. However, if you think you are, then why order a dish that is fried? My brother's allergic to peanuts, but he's not stupid enough to order kung pao chicken and request that the peanuts be left out. The menu at Red Pepper is huge--order something else? Also, did Ty F actually threaten a GrubHub employee? What a loser.

The fact that the restaurant sent fried chicken instead of steamed chicken despite our request, because my SO is allergic to fried food is the least of my complaints.

We got the delivery from DoorDash, because the GrubHub website was not working properly. When I hit the submit button on THREE SEPARATE TRIES, the page said something was wrong, try again. I bailed and used DoorDash. That worked.

As I'm finishing up I notice an email from Yelp/GrubHub that my order (Order #483221171916533) went through. I call GrubHub and explain that their web site is broken and we bailed and we never saw a sign that the purchase went through. I told the person on the phone to cancel the order. He said it was too late to cancel. I told him that was the wrong answer. I told him this was their web site making an error THREE TIMES and if he didn't cancel it, things would not go well for him.

I hung up, called my credit card company and put a stop on the purchase. They said the transaction was still pending, but I could stop it, if Yelp/Grubhub decided to be foolish and posted it.

PS: Apple's HEIC picture format has been around for over a year. Please tell your web people to also change the site so those files don't need to be converted to .jpg or .jpeg first.

Nov 21, 2019

1 star

Mac N Mj M. of Las Vegas, NV is another moron. Why give Red Pepper the low rating if you're mad at GrubHub?

Couldn't tell you how the food was, driver was rude, the address was off by 4 numbers, yep my fault, he trashed my food, His words not mine. Not a slam on Red Pepper, was looking forward to the food. More a slam on Grub Hub.

Nov 17, 2022

1 star

Red Pepper had the misfortune of having Thomas B. of MD, MD as a guest on my birthday. He is clearly a moron. Red Pepper's menu is quite large and yes, they offer mostly more traditional dishes. Thomas B. might enjoy Szechuan House more because they seem to cater to white people with no tastebuds.

Don't waste your time or money here. They have a very small menu, and I understand that 90% of the dishes on the menu are traditional Chinese dishes with that said the service is subpar at best the food is bland and without flavor. I had a chicken dish and my wife a beef dish but were really bad. The only bright spot here was my 15 year olds orange chicken. If you want good Chinese food go to Joey chens in Green spring station.

* Any products in this post that are mentioned by name may have been provided to Minxeats by the manufacturer. However, all opinions belong to Minxeats. Amazon links earn me $! Please buy!

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Favorite Baltimore Restaurants, Round Two

A few years back, when asked about our favorite restaurants, I would usually respond "Grace Garden." GG was/is a Chinese restaurant in Odenton, MD--kind of a slog from where we live near Towson, but so worth the drive. We went a few times a year over a number of years, and we wrote about it more than once (here, here, here, here, and here). Though the restaurant still exists, it's under new management with a new chef. We tried it once early on and it just didn't move us in the same way. The new owners bought several of the original chef's recipes, but what we tried was missing the wok hay (breath of the wok) of the originals. (IYKYK!) Now we have multiple new favorites, all much closer to home. Coincidentally, all three of the restaurants named below are alongside the Jones Falls, an 18-mile-long stream that runs from Baltimore County to the Inner Harbor. Not sure why we haven't done a progressive dinner yet, hitting all three at one night, though I must admit we have eaten at two of them on the same evening.

patatas, empanadas, calamari, et., al., @ La Cuchara

La Cuchara (3600 Clipper Mill Rd, Baltimore, MD 21211)

This cavernously sized yet somehow intimate restaurant serves dishes inspired by the Basque cuisine of parts of France and Spain. The menu is divided into sections featuring several categories of small plates, plus entrees, and one is able to mix and match as desired. The several entrees we've tried over the years have been uniformly delicious, but we prefer to order several tapas-style dishes and enjoy them with one or more glasses of wine, preferably at the expansive bar. While I miss the days pre-COVID when happy hour meant half price pinxtos and tapas and $5 pours of wine, the food is just as good at twice the price. 

If one is merely feeling peckish and just wants a few snacks to nibble with cocktails, there is a selection of Spanish hams and cheeses that are perfect with the restaurant's lovely housemade breads. Also nibbly things like gildas--small skewers with a single boquerone (white anchovy), olive, and pequillo pepper--and wee croquetas made with cured ham or rehydrated salted cod. Tapas selections are fairly hearty and can include tender tangles of grilled squid with calabrian peppers, a couple of salad selections and perhaps a soup, and patatas bravas--crisp cubes of potato dressed in both spicy mojo and garlicky aioli and accented with scallions. I check the menu regularly in case there are limited-time items like sweetbreads, crispy oysters, soft shell crabs, or razor clams, in which case we scrap our regular dinner plan and head to La Cuchara. 

The photo above was taken in the Fall of 2020. The restaurant was only serving hot food during happy hour a few days a week, and only at ten concrete tables set up in the parking lot. We made a point to get there a few minutes before 5pm to snag a table and eat as much as humanly possible. We did this for about 8 weeks in the late summer and fall, until it was too chilly (and too dark) to eat outdoors comfortably. During this time, the restaurant also offered chef-prepared food to heat up at home and grocery staples like toilet paper and bags of flour. I greatly admired La Cuchara's efforts to stay open and serve their customers and did my part to support them. We are so happy to have them back open full time again. 

pasta, whole fish, lamb chops @ Cosima

Cosima (Mill No. 1, 3000 Falls Rd, Baltimore, MD 21211)

I think we fell in love with Cosima on our very first visit back in December 2015. We try to eat there at least once a year, particularly in the more temperate months when we can snag a table on the back patio. In fact, we've celebrated Mr Minx's birthday at Cosima every year for at least the last five, including 2020. 

While we're fond of the location--Mill No. 1, an historic mill building tucked between Falls Road and the Jones Falls itself--the food of course is the restaurant's most important feature. The homemade pastas are a big draw for Mr Minx, and as I mentioned in the last post, I'm fond of their pizzas. In fact, if the scallop and bacon pie is on the menu, it's definitely on our table, along with the crispy brussels sprouts, fritto misto, and whatever octopus preparation is being offered. We normally get one pasta and one secondi to share between the three of us, if there's any room left after our orgy of apps. And keep the wine flowing--but let me have a negroni bianco, too. 

the chef, the shucker, the farmer @ True Chesapeake

True Chesapeake Oyster Company (3300 Clipper Mill Rd Suite 400, Baltimore, MD 21211) 

True Chesapeake opened its doors in the fall of 2019 and got in a handful of months before the pandemic hit and threw the restaurant industry into a tailspin. They closed for a bit, reopened for outdoor dining and take-out, then closed again for the winter. We waited with our fingers crossed and breath bated for a re-opening announcement, which happened in April 2021 and came with a vaccination requirement. Not only was the food at True Chesapeake still delicious, but also the management was smart. The restaurant was our new annual New Year's Eve dining tradition and we wanted to continue slurping oysters to close out the years for the foreseeable future. 

There are a number of things we love about this place. Oysters are the heart and soul of True Chesapeake. The namesake restaurant gets its tender bivalves from its own farm in St. Mary's County. Blue catfish and snakehead are also featured regularly. If you've read our book Maryland's Chesapeake, you know these are invasive species that are doing a number on the Bay. Chef Zack Mills--long a favorite of ours since his days at Wit & Wisdom, and a contributor to more than one of our books--is doing his part to eradicate these harmful creatures by serving up their tasty flesh in various ways. And while seafood makes up the majority of dishes on Chef Mills' menu, he throws non-seafood-eaters a bone or two with selections like steak, roast chicken, and one heck of a good burger. 

* Any products in this post that are mentioned by name may have been provided to Minxeats by the manufacturer. However, all opinions belong to Minxeats. Amazon links earn me $! Please buy!

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