I'm sorry the recap is late this week, but there's a very good reason for that. Rather than flip the channel to Food Network at 9pm on Sunday, we Minxes preferred to watch the Baltimore Ravens humiliate the New England Patriots right out of Super Bowl contention. GO RAVENS!
In any case, this week's challenge was meant to test the celebritynoncheftestants adaptability by making them short order cooks. Teams Rachael and Guy find themselves at Mel's Drive-in, a greasy spoon in Hollyweird. Wouldn't a road trip to Mel's Diner in Milwaukee have been more fun? That is, if they could travel back in time to the Happy Days era. They could serve burgers and fries to Fonzie and the gang. Instead, we have to watch them serve regular LA nobodies desperately wanting to be somebodies. Meanwhile, the Fonz is selling reverse mortgages.
There are three celebs left per team, and there are three classic diner meals they have to prepare: a tuna melt; a chicken club; and a cheeseburger. Because Rachy's team won last week, they have the advantage of choosing the sandwiches for their adversaries on Team Guy. They assign the chicken club to Johnny, the burger to Chilli, and the tuna melt to Dean.
strategery. Johnny, who is wearing a spangled silver jacket and short shorts, plans to work the front of the house and be "real gay." Can you imagine how gay he can be when he actually tries? The mind boggles. Before being assigned the chicken club, he had planned to get away from using his favorite protein. And that would be...chicken. So to switch things up, he decides to do something super-radical and use something never before seen in a club sandwich. That's right - turkey. And he's going to make it "real gay."
Over on Team Rachael's side, she's advising her squad to stick with traditional diner chow, and not to "gourmet it up." But then she's fine when Carnie starts babbling about the amazing tuna salad she makes with tons of herbs and stuff. And then she tells Hiney to add chorizo or bacon to his cheese burger. Then there's Kathy, who's volunteered to work the front of the house. She's not putting any meat in her chicken club, no sirree. Rachael then suggests that she do a double-decker grilled cheese sandwich with seitan bacon. Fresh herbs, chorizo, and seitan are definitely traditional diner foods.
Team Guy gets the kitchen first, with one hour of prep time before 45 random folks come in to eat. Funny how these celebs pretend to like to cook, but only Dean seems to know how to do anything. He's not team captain, but he gets pulled into Johnny's and Chilli's dramas and has to teach them how to use the food processor and whatnot.
Prep time is over and Johnny puts his spangly jacket back on so he can wow the crowd with gayness. He sashays and wiggles and everyone seems to love it. But it doesn't distract anyone from the bad food. Dean's run out of cheese for his tuna melts, and the diners notice. Johnny's bread is not toasted enough, but that's not his fault. He's generating plenty of flames in the dining room. Chilli's freaking out over the complicated burger technique (ball, smash, steam with dome) and working very s l o w l y. The customers are getting cranky, so Johnny ups the gay/distraction quotient by putting on roller blades and skating around both inside and outside. Eventually, the burgers get done with some help by Dean but they're bland and un-special.
Next, Team Rachael takes the stage. Carnie is alternately freaking out and singing happily.
Kathy goes out to entertain the guests but she's no Johnny Weir. She doesn't even have a sparkly jacket. Being a "vegetarian chef," while an amusing enough concept, just doesn't cut the mustard.
Carnie put her money where her mouth is with her tuna melt. And she probably put one of those tuna melts where her mouth is, too. She claimed that she made delicious tuna salad, and the judges and customers agreed. Her sandwich had great texture and, unlike Dean's, plenty of cheese. Hiney's burger, too, won raves, but he couldn't move quite fast enough to keep up with the orders. And this man was a wide receiver, someone who presumably had to think on his feet while both running and catching the ball.
Kathy's cheese clubs weren't making it out of the kitchen at all because Carnie was too busy singing and beating people with baguettes, completely forgetting that she was supposed to make Kathy's dish, too. When Carnie realizes her mistake, she curses Kathy's use of fifty-three different components, and Kathy comes back to help. Eventually her sammies come out, but it's pretty much a consensus that they needed bacon. Even seitan bacon.
There are tons of mix-ins available, but Dean goes "adult" with his orange creamsicle shake with Grand Marnier and boozy Twinkie garnish. And I don't mean he got Johnny liquored up and put him on the edge of the glass.
Chilli tells us she's a mommy so wants to make a shake her son would like. I could have sworn she said her son's name was "Tron," and when I looked it up, I saw that it was, indeed, Tron. I guess there are worse things than being named after a bad 80s movie about video games. Just ask Atari Bigby of the San Diego Chargers.
Next week: my idea of hell. A kid's party.
Posted on Minxeats.com.