This year, the "celebrity" cooktestants are of a somewhat higher caliber than last time, and we meet them all in a fake red carpet scenario. You know, to add a taste of Hollywood. After all, this season was filmed in Guy's stomping ground of
First there's Dean McDermott, famous for leaving his wife and son to screw around with and later marry Tori Spelling (who's famous for being Aaron Spelling's daughter, and maybe for being on Beverly Hills 90210). They've now cranked out four kids together so far, and it's one of those situations where you can't say you hope they look like the mother OR the father. Then there's Rozonda Ocelean Thomas, better know as Chilli, from the popular 90s singing group, TLC. Another singer in the group is Carnie Wilson, from that 90s trio of famous musicians' offspring, Wilson Phillips. Carnie tells us she's a good cook. She's also apparently a good eater. The gal has had weight issues for years, and despite losing 150 lbs after gastric bypass surgery and posing nude for Playboy in 2003, her weight is back up. Hey - she's only human. However, she should fire her stylist for putting her in that hideous horizontally-striped muumuu.
So the celebs gather in what appears to be an abandoned restaurant to await the grand entrance of Rachael and Guy. They emerge from the second floor landing and swan down a split staircase while the celebs pretend to be excited. Rachael looks like she's completely given up on trying to slim down, as her keister is formidable. And Guy has apparently bought stock in a spray tan salon, because he's as orange as Michael Kors. It even looks as though the stuff has leached into his bottle blond hair and
Team Spray Tan: Dean, Chilli, Johnny, Cornelia
Team Keister: Kathy, Hiney, Carnie, Gilbert
I've decided that they all must have names that end in a "y" sound. Dean, Cornelia, and Gilbert will henceforth be known as Deany, Corny, and Gilby.
Rachael (Rachy?) and Guy then introduce this week's challenge: the teams have to provide a little dinner theater experience to 100 guests. Each person is responsible for one dish that will be part of a tasting plate, and a group dessert. And what's dinner "theater" without a little actual theater? (I'm guessing less chance of indigestion.) Each team has to put on a 3-minute skit, which shouldn't be too difficult for this pack of stage hogs.
The teams head off to their respective buses to plan their meals. Team Rachael seems a bit disorganized. After settling on "Pot Luck Party" as their theme, they seem confused as to who should cook what and why. Gilby is totally perplexed when he's told he has to cook a signature dish. What? I have to cook? Nothing comes to mind, and eventually he decides he's almost capable of making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Rachael suggests he elevate them with cinnamon sugar or something, anything.
Over on Guy's side, his team is far more organized. They're doing a Western theme and have their menu planned in no time flat. Then it's time to put on chef coats and head into the kitchen for two hours of cooking.
Time's up and the teams have to present their food. Team Guy goes out first with their "Wild Wild West of Flavors." Each celeb has donned some Western-esque garb and basically just introduces his or her dish. Chilli's in her element when she's on stage, acting sassy and waving a prop gun around entirely too close to her face. Doesn't she know she could knock an eye out with that thing? And Johnny steals the show when he rips off his oversized plaid shirt to reveal a sparkly black corset. Deany is so taken with him, he dips Johnny and gives him a passionate smooch on the mouth. Look out, Tori. Johnny is much more attractive than you are. Much.
"Chill"apia tostada, with spice-rubbed tilapia, and the judges rave. Finally, they taste Johnny's aptly-named "chicken tumbleweed" - chicken meatballs that are dry and dense and flavored with too much white truffle oil. Deany's dessert, which they've called "Less is S'more," tastes fine, but the portion sizes are all over the place.
Rachael's team is up next, and they act out their version of Cinderella, which they call, "Pot Luck Princess." Kathy has the idea that they should deliver the dialogue "backwards," but it just sounds like some consonants are being misplaced here and there. Gilby, wearing a feather boa and two different wigs, is at his best (that is - annoying). And Hiney (also in a wig) tells us that if any of his former team-mates caught him dressed as he was, they would "rag him to deaf." I don't know what they would do exactly to cause his hearing loss, but whatever it is, I want to watch.
Now the food: Kathy's vegan stuffed mushrooms are bland, and one guest calls it "the stereotypical example of what everyone thinks about vegetarian food"; Carnie's mac and cheese is called "awesome," which of course means absolutely nothing. Hiney's "Asian persuasian" wings are cooked well and crisp. Gilby let his team-mates down with his uninspired PB&J. The team dessert, Carnie's bread pudding, is both interesting and full of flavor.
Later, we see Rachael and Guy behind a Top Chef-style desk, pontificating about the food they just ate. They tell the celebs that Chilli's tilapia tostada was the favorite dish of the evening, according to the guests' comment cards. Overall, Guy's team is the winner, and will receive some sort of advantage in next week's challenge. This puts Rachael's team on the bottom, and the creators of the two worst dishes have to go head-to-head in a blind tasting elimination challenge.
When Rachael and Guy see the dishes, they know exactly who made what. And while Gilby's sandwich was admittedly tasty, they couldn't allow him to compete for another week. That voice! So annoying!
Next week: the celebs have to harvest their own ingredients from a large garden. Hilarity ensues.
Posted on Minxeats.com.