Thursday, June 05, 2008

Top Chef Chicago Finale Part One

Although I am probably going to regret this later, I have something nice to say about Lisa. I like her new 'do.

The spikiness matches her personality.

Besides hair-cuttery, in the time off between filming in Chicago and the finale in Puerto Rico, Stephanie has had an opportunity to travel. Apparently she took an eating tour through Asia.

Antonia opened her restaurant.

And Richard was busy making little Blaises. Riley Maddox was born on May 29th. Is that joy on his face or what? Congratulations, Richard and Jazmin!

The final four arrive in Puerto Rico and mosey over to meet Padma and guest judge Wilo Benet of Pikayo restaurant. The Quickfire Challenge for this episode is to create two types of frituras (fritters) each using plantains, in 40 minutes. The cheftestants get to avail themselves of produce from a table full of fruits and veggies, and proteins from refrigerated cases in the small kitchen nearby. They work elbow-to-elbow and Richard nearly burns the place down when he turns on the stove. Eyebrows are highly overrated anyway.

The chefs present their dishes to Padma and Wilo.

After their little snack, Wilo pronounces Stephanie the winner. Believe it or not, it's her first Quickfire win! She gets an advantage for the Elimination Challenge, but Padma's not going to reveal it until the next day. Tease. In the meantime, the chefs are invited to a party that evening to eat, drink, and be merry.

The next day, the chefs are in their whites at the Governor's Mansion.

Tom finally shows up to stand alongside Padma and reveal the Elimination Challenge.

The chefs must each create at least two dishes with pig parts. And lest they think this is too much of a challenge for one chef, they each get a partner. Out trot Dale, Nikki, Spike, and Andrew. Here's where Stephanie's QF win advantage comes in: she gets to choose who works with whom. No dummy, she picks Dale for herself.

Sorry Antonia, you get Nikki. Richard gets Spike. And Lovely Lesbo Lisa gets the ever-charming Andrew.

After a few minutes of meal planning, the assistant chefs are shipped off to the mercado to buy supplies while the final four commence to butchery. Lisa has a little problem with her pig. Because suddenly she's Jewish. Didn't Antonia say something many episodes ago about Lisa being Cuban? So she's really Jewish? Cubish? Jewban?

How many minorities can one squeeze into a single cheftestant? Lisa has the answer.

Meanwhile, Richard has his own issues with the pig. And, from the sick minds of Bravo's sponsors, we get this commercial.

The assistant chefs come back from the market with bags of goodies. They have two hours to prepare all of the dishes for the next day. Stephanie is thrilled to be working with Dale. He makes a rub for some pork belly, and then packs everything away. What a good boy!

Well, he packs almost everything away.

The next day, despite having to throw away an entire dish, Stephanie is the picture of calm. And Dale is a very lucky man. Had he been working with Lisa, he would have been castrated and otherwise maimed for his forgetfulness.

Steph and Dale manage to come up with another dish on the fly, a salad with chicharrones, and the situation seems to be resolved. Everyone packs up their supplies and mises en place and heads down to the yard to set up their stations for the party. And then the guests arrive.

The judges make their rounds and sample all of the chefs' dishes, making appropriate lip-smacking sounds as they feed their faces. Man, I'd love to have that gig! Next we see the cheftestants in the Puerto Rican version of the Glad Family of Products Commemorative Storage Room. Although this one seems to also be heavily sponsored by Evian.

The judges sit at a swanky outdoor Judges' Table. Padma brings out Stephanie and Richard, who, of course, were the judges' favorites. No surprise there. Equally unsurprising - Richard is declared the winner of this challenge.

A NEW CAR! Dayum. Hope you win the big one, Richard, so you'll have cash to pay your income taxes come April....

Steph and Richard go back to the Semi-Glad and Evian Stew Room to get Antonia and Lisa who are each adamant about not wanting to go home. Antonia's daughter told her not to come back if she didn't have a giant check for $100,000 in her luggage, and nobody wanted Lisa to come back whether she won or not. They trudge out to face the judges.

Lisa's on the bottom but looks on the bright side. However, the judges aren't all that pleased with her dishes. Wonder why not?

Although Lisa's dishes get panned, Antonia didn't fare any better: her pigeon peas were hard, and she made the mistake of slopping all her dishes together on one serving plate.

Meanwhile, theminx is putting extra pins in her Lisa voodoo doll when the verdict is announced: Antonia, please pack your knives and go.

WTF??? ANTONIA? That means...LISA STAYS??? :::::::hyperventilate:::::: I can't believe this shit!

Antonia hugs everyone before leaving, whispering "kick their asses" to Stephanie. And Lisa takes the opportunity to dress Richard and Stephanie down for not congratulating her for not being sent home. Stephanie mumbles insincerely. Richard looks really irritated at the situation.

You should have said that to her face, Richard my boy.

And, I take it back. Your haircut sucks, Lisa. So do you. In fact, 91% of the people who voted in this episode's poll thinks you should have been the one to pack her knives and go. So there.

Next Week: The final finale. Go Richard!


Kwana said...

Great recap! Loved it.

Nanc Twop said...

''Lisa. I like her new 'do. spikiness matches her personality.''

LOL... ha! put my drink down before starting to read. ;-)

''rum, rum, and rum' and Richard's 'forgot my tanktop'' plus the lez-odorant and Padma pics = LOL2

*Geez you're on fire today, Kathy... unlike Antonia who didn't turn up those Lisa-toasting embers last week when she had the chance.

And I can't believe Bravo (and you) went there with the flyin' pig ad - now we'll never get those pesky vegans on board.

Oh, and re: our bronze medalist - didn't you guess? - she's here to stay. The scientists warned us years ago that one day the roaches would rule. They just forgot to tell us that the big one would conquer Top Chef first...

bernal_vernal said...

Hilarious! I'm still reeling from the pain that is Lisa being in the top 3.

Anonymous said...

I always look forward to your recap of Top CHef the day after. Hilarious and witty!

Kit Pollard said...

Hilarious. As usual.

And did Gail's boobs look bigger than they used to? My husband thought she was pregnant - at that stage when you're all boob but nothing else.

John said...

God I hope next week is the finale like they say it is. Funny - the first Lisa pic is a classic. You should do a whole post of just your funniest Top Chef 4 pix.

Isn't it classy of ol' Leese to whine when they don't congratulate her? PURE CLASS!

Maggie said...

Funny pictoral recap. I love the picture of Lisa after the Gail boo shot.
my recap

David Dust said...

A masterpiece! Anyone who posts pics of Gail and her Boobies is alright in my book!!


CLICK HERE for DavidDust's Top Chef Chicago Recap: "Episode 13 - Lisa Is A Stank Bitch"