Padma tells the recheftestants to meet her on the roof. Every time I see reality show contestants on a roof, I'm hoping 1) someone will get tossed off; 2) Tim Gunn will be there. Unfortunately, neither happen this time. Instead, after admiring the view, Padma tells them they are headed to Ellis Island, where DoucheyMike is being deported back to New Jersey.
Just throw him off the roof already.
The recheftestants board the ferry Miss Thang, and head to the snack bar area where they find a note from Padma. First she shows up at the apartment but won't talk to them until they hit the roof, where her message is cryptic at best, then the chefs have to find out the real challenge via a piece of paper. Poor communication skills on Padma's part? Possibly. But really, all of this is to waste as much time as possible since this is a dreaded SUPERSIZED episode, with an additional 3 minutes of actual show and 12 minutes of commercials!
#@$%*@$!! Don't they know I need my damn beauty rest?
Anyhoo, their Quickfire Challenge is to create a dish using only the junk food at the snack bar - hot dogs, chips, nacho cheese goop etc.
Because Blais seems so cranky through the entire episode, I think he's still annoyed at Chicken Oyster-gate. And wouldn't you be?
Once the chefs reach the island, Padma boards with their guest judge, Dan Barber of Blue Hill. I swear, he gets more skeletal every time we see him. After tasting the wares, Carla's dish is called the winner, which makes Blais bitter. Bitterer.
Padma then brings out some family members with whom the chefs can pore over their histories and weep: Tiffany's, Antonia's, and Mike's mothers, and Carla's and Blais' spouses.
The recheftestants take the ferry back and hit the Whole Foods before heading home. There they continue to peruse their
The next morning, they find a DVD and a key to a Toyota Highlander. They pile into the car and watch the DVD. Unfortunately, it's not porn, food or otherwise, but only Padma, fully clothed, telling them that the winner of this challenge will win the Highlander. Squealing ensues. Except from Blais, who is BITTER.
Tiffany has gone all southern and makes short ribs, mustard greens, and something called an oxtail marmalade which sounds really delicious. Carla goes the southern route as well by making braised pork shoulder with both grits and cheddar biscuits. And the Irish/English mutt Blais makes meat (short ribs) and potatoes with fried bone marrow, corn puree, and pickled glasswort (also called sea beans or salicornia; from experience I can tell you that they are salty buggers - and maybe BITTER).
Outside, we see the judges (Padma, Tom, Dan Barber, and Gail) arrive and sit at a long table with the cheftestants' relatives.
Mike serves first; his mother pronounces his gnocchi "better than grandma's." Antonia's risotto is a big hit, so the cousins are safe.
Blais feels the pressure cooking for his wife. It's his wife, he should have cooked for her before, don't you think? His shortribs were called "all right" by Tom, and my heart sunk before Tom added "all right, not 'alright'." Everyone can tell that Blais is BITTER so they're playing with him.
Before Carla's food comes out, her husband Matt tells us that they met via Match.com and married about 8 months later. And her food is great, with lots of compliments for the grits and the passed basket of biscuits.
Everything was delicious and roundly praised. The chefs are sent back to wait while the "very difficult decision" is made. Eventually the judges decide that Antonia is the winner, but who should go home? They bring the chefs out, give Antonia her car and congratulate her on making it to the finale which will be held in the Bahamas, and then tell Mike he's safe and going to the finale with his cousin.
After a long and tedious pause, Padma turns to Blais and says, "Richard, please pack your knives..." His face falls. She continues, "and go to the Bahamas!"
After another several minutes of commercials, we found out what I freaking knew for at least the last 25 minutes - that nobody was going home, and all five would be going to the finale. (Actually, I've known for longer but I can't tell you why just yet.)
So - next week - Bahamas! Stay tuned!