Forst, we see what-a happen before theese week's a-challenge. The gorls, a-tired from that crazy deem sum challenge, all go to bed, while some-a da men seet outsi' and have a peesing match. Well, mostly Marcel. Hee-a theenk that hees cheeken weeng was a weener, and he go off on Dale while pound hees chest like gorilla an' drink Bombay Sapphire straight outta da bottle. Oh, he ees such a douch-abag! I have-a to laugh a leetle beet when our alarm clocks go offa at 4:30 in-a da morning. Eets too late for a meednight sneck, and too a-orly for breakfast, but not too orly to a-wake Marcel!
Team 1 - Tre, Colla, Dale
Team 2 - Reechard, Marcel, an' me
Team 3 - Antonia, Jamie, Teeffani
Team 4 - Ongeelo, Teeffany, Mike
We get on two boat, Team 1 an' 3 onna da Sea Wife IV and Team 2 an' 4 onna da Susie E 2. I can see da udder boat, she ees catcheeng lots of feesh. Dey are all excited and geeving-a high-fives. My boat, she has-a nothing. I feel very unlucky today. Eet must be Marcel scare the feesh.
Meanwhile, the feesh a-scare Ongeelo. He do no' like-a da shark. I theenk maybe eef we see shark, we throw Marcel overboard.
Of course, Marcel theenk he so smart an' he decide we going to do very complicated deesh. Reechard theenk eetsa good idea to do theese to keep Marcel quiet. Eef we make one strong deesh, eet be hard for judges to trow us out. Eets a leetle psycholoheecol warfare!
Den we shop at da farmer's market. I hear Antonia say that Reechard and I, we have a "bromance." She say he ees "da professor," and I am-a "da strange Italian eemmigrant." WTF? First of all, I am not strange. Second, nobody can take-a da place of Stefan Richter in my-a heart.
The nex' day, we-a head to da beach to cook. Eef you remember from our season five, Jamie, she ees-a huge whiner. She complain about da sand, she complain about da heat. She woulda made good shark bait, too. Tre say she like a leetle baby a-cry in the backgroun'. Ha!
So my team-a gets to work. Reechard, he a-work on da feesh, and Marcel, he walk around, all pompous and douchey. Me, I have to do all of the chopeeng and I get boss around. "Fabio, do theese," and "Fabio do that." Eet get on my norves, but I do eet because I am a team player. I do weesh we were make da gnocchi for thees deesh.
We seet eenna da Stew Room for a while before Padma come een. She lower her voice like she-a very sad an' she say she want to see Dale, Colla, Tre, Teeffany, Mike, and Ongeelo. They have make da favorite deeshes an' that mean Fabio ees up for eleemination. Again. Thees season a-no make me happy.
When da top seex return, Colla eesa jumping up and down weeth-a hoppiness because she won theese challenge an' a treep to Amsterdam. Oh, how my-a Turtle would loff to go to Amsterdam! We would have such a good time together! Eenstead, I have to go face da judges weeth Marcel, Reechard, Jamie, Antonia, and Teeffani.
Forst, da judges say that I no' do enough for our deesh. But I do alla da knife cuts, except da feesh! They say maybe Reechard no' trust me, wheech-a make me sad. But den I get hoppy when they yell at Marcel for heesa foam. Always da foam! Stop weeth da foam! Den they go on to Jamie, who mada watery bland food. I want to tell them that she whine too much, too. Antonia's deesh they like an' they say eet was so good, she maybe win theese challenge, but her team suck. Teeffani deed not remove-a da bloodline from her bluefeesh, and eet not taste good.
Next week: Restaurant Wars!
Hilarious! Thank Minx!!!
Fabio needs to blog more often. I am speeteeng onna my mohneetawr!
There have been far too many team challenges this season!
Yes, I'm over a week late. I'm a-terrible.
Lovely blog, Fabio. I a-love-a you turtle.
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