Monday, January 25, 2010

Cooking with Ellie Krieger

picOnce again, the blog Food Network Humor brings the ridiculousness of that cable network to my attention. Once dedicated to food, it now seems to be competing with Comedy Central for the most laughs. For example, did you know that dietitian and nutritionist Ellie Krieger has been creating recipes using fast food?

How about a sloppy joe made from a Big Mac? Judging by the comments, people are just thrilled!
--Oh, yes. I think I'm the only person leaving a comment (so far) who has actually gone to McDonald's, bought the Big Mac and went through with the recipe. I'm not completely adverse to fast food, but the idea of buying a Big Mac only to take it home and cook something else...it's more than a little silly. The whole thing seemed so Sandra Lee-like ludicrous, I had to do it. I did it for the same reason I gulped a shot glass of sriacha on a dare. Sometimes I'm in the mood for culinary pain. Of course, I'm annoyed that the Food Network's resident granola-slinging, healthy food advocate created something like this. I'm equally insulted by Food Network shilling the products of the company which has come to represent the antithesis of healthy, homemade food. That said, this was disgusting. It tasted like what you'd imagine it would taste like. Low grade beef, thousand island dressing, wilted lettuce, beans, some aromatics and ketchup to try to mask the taste. It tasted like a sloppy joe from hell. Much like that shot of hot sauce, this is probably going to hurt worse tomorrow.
--How much did McD pay for this one? This is truly appalling. Does Food Network really have to sink that low? Very sad and disappointing. How do I select 0 stars?
How about tortilla soup made from a Taco Bell burrito? (Why not just use a can of dogfood?)
--This makes Sandra Lee's daffodil cake look like a Martha Stewart creation. At least Sandra Lee isn't lying about who she is, like Ellie Kreiger, who obviously must have gotten her dietican certification from a clown college.
--I don't need to make this to know that this, like her Big Mac Sloppy Joe, is an abomination worthy of a jail sentence. Ellie, you are a disgrace. Your ancestors and all successive generations should be ashamed to share the same lineage with you. Crap like this is why I find myself watching Food Network less and less. You should be fired and deported to a deserted island somewhere.
What's next? Morimoto is victorious in Battle Starkist? Will Ina Garten start advocating the use of "the good synthetic vanillin?"