Thursday, September 24, 2009

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode Six Recap

This week we have a guest recapper...please give a warm MinxEats welcome to...

Hon hon hon! You cannot geet reed of me zat quickly! Zees ees Mattin, an I am honored to be doozing zees, how you say? recap.

Zose crazy chefs are talking about zee Robin and how she should have go last week. Ah! They mees mee so much!

Mike, 'e pull out my dirty steenking sweated-on neckaircheefs that I have leave in zee closet and make everybozzy put on! I am touched!

Zat Robin, she not wear my steenking neckaircheef around her neck (and I do not blame her). I steel sink she should have gone last week instead of me.

Ah, zere is my lovely Padma! And she ees wit anozzair lovely lady.

Ze challenge ees to create a duo representeeng zee battle between zee angels and zee devils zat we all have. Zee good and zee temptasseeon!

Ash, 'e do a duo of custard. Mike V. takes de saumon. Kevin chooses halibut. Bryan, 'e must be crazee, 'e do dessert. Laurine does zee chicken. Mike I. does somesink with cucumbers and lamb. Robin, she go on about zee cancer and zee organic and zee sweet tooth. And Eli, Ron, Ashley, and Jen all play wis zee scallop.

Ash, 'e not get boff of zee custairds finis, so 'e ees on zee bottom, avec Laurine, and quel surprise! Brother Bryan. On zee top ees Brother Michael (who ees gloating), ScallopEli, and Robin. What? No-neckaircheef Robin? And she ween? Sacre bleu!

Ugh. I am deesgusted. But zee show must go on, no?

Don' you sink zat zee lovely Padma would look good in zee red neckaircheef? Be steel my heart!

Ooh! Zee dynamic duo! Zat would be Siegfried & Roy, no? Or maybe zee Captain & Tennille? Batman & Robin? Shrek & Donkey? Ahh...eet is Penn & Teller!

So zee Penn & Teller, zey do a famous treek wis zee balls and zee cups. Zey use zee foil balls and zee plastic cups - I guess even zey are poor in zis economie?

Zey do zee treek twice, once wees zee red cups. Zees treek ees not magique, eet is, how you say? slight of hand. Zey show how eet work weet zee clear cups. Ah...zey have deconstruct zee treek.

So zee Elimination Challenge zees week ees to deconstruct a classic deesh. Zee chefs draw zee knives to see what zey weel be working weeth.

Jen get zee meat lasagna. Robin get zee clam chowder. Laurine get zee feesh and cheeps. Kevin get zee molé negro. Ron get zee paella. Mike I. get zee eggs Florentine. Mike V. get zee Caesar salad. Bryan get zee Reuben. Eli get zee sweet and sour pork. Ash get zee shepherd's pie. And Ashley, she get zee pot roast. What? No Frawnch deeshes? Where ees ze beef bourguignon? Zee Frawnch onion soup? Merde!

So zee chefs, zey go to zee Whole Foods to shop for zair ingredients. When zey get back, they start zee deconstruction. Mike I., 'e does not know what ees zee eggs Florentine, so 'e ees having zee problem.

Meester Plays-wit-Liquid-Nitrogen ees excited about zee challenge. But of course.

Jen ees also having zee problem.

After zee chefs finish weet zee cooking preliminaire, zey go home. Poor Ron. 'E say 'e make zee paella hundreds of time, yet 'e still not know how eet made.

Eli and Kevin, zey are very nice, and zey coach heem a beet. I fear zat eet ees too leetle, too late.

Zee next day, zee chefs go to Marinelli's restaurant at zee M Resort. Zey have one hour to feenish zair deeshes. Ron seem to sink zat 'e is know what 'e is doing.

Ze chefs, zey serve zair deeshes in pairs, but weel be judged individually. Ze first pair ees Mike V. and Mike I. When Mike I. see Toby Young, 'e get nervous. And rightfully so. Zat beeg scary Toby, 'e say that hees deconstruction of eggs Florentine ees really a "reinvention." But zey all like Mike V.'s fancy Caesar salad with spherified dressing. Ooh la la!

Laurine and Bryan, zey are next. Laurine's feesh ees dry, and she do not have enough of zee cheeps. Bryan's, of course, ees delicieux. Zee judges, zey love eet, but zee Penn et Teller, zey deed not sink zat eet tasted like a Reuben.

Ash and Jen are next. Toby, 'e make Ash nervous too. Maybe eet ees good I not have to deal wees zee Monsieur Young, no?

Ash has zee good reason for being nervous. Eef anyone knows zee shepherd's pie, eet ees an Engleeshman! And Toby, 'e not like zis pie. Zee lamb eets both overcook and too rare. And where are zee potatoes? Jen, on zee ozzair hand, deed a good job wees her lasagna.

Eli and Ron zen present zair deeshes. Eli make zee sweet and sour pork meatballs.

Oh, zat ees not nice. Not nice to my beautiful Padma.

Eli's deesh ees fine. Ron, on ze ozzair hand, ees not. Hees paella ees not creesp, and hees rice ees very ovaircook. Eet does not seem deconstructed. Tom, 'e call eet a "sad bowl of food."

Kevin and Ashley, zey come next and zee judges are all very happy. Ashley's pot roast ees great, zee best meat she has cook so far. And eet was obvious zat Kevin work hard to make zee molé deconstruct. Even zee silent Teller raise hees eyebrow in approval.

Finally, zee Robin ees last. But she has zee immunity, so she can serve ca-ca and eet will be fine. And she does serve zee ca-ca.

Time for zee judges table! Padma first goes to zee, how you say? stew room and call out Ashley, Michael V., Kevin, and Jen. Zey are zee favorites. Because Kevin work so hard on zee molé, zee lovely Michele Bernstein geeve heem zee ween. And she geeve him a box of pots.

Zey call out Laurine, Ron, and Ash. Ash's deesh was not zee shepherd's pie by a mile. Laurine's feesh was overcook. And Ron, poor Ron.

Ron make zee worst deesh. And Padma steek in zee knife and she tweest eet. Like she did to my heart last week. Oh, zee lovely Padma - I am meesing you!

Sank you, I mean thank you, Mattin, for your recap. Next week - dining at home.


David Dust said...

Hon hon hon!!! Yeah, Mattin!!!!


the dogs' mother said...

ah, sPenn, you didn't disappoint! And the Minx didn't either! I did not notice that Robin did not wear the Memorial Scarf.

Anonymous said...

Robin had the 'memorial scarf' on her sleeve in a pocket. I caught that as they were leaving the house.

Mr. Minx said...

Toby can't stand undercooked pie-ella, ella, ella...

Kit Pollard said...

I am so happy to read an accented recap! You're like the Faulkner of recappers!

Psychomom said...

The fake french accent is back just for me, I know it. I too put on the gang colors in memory of Mattin.

And those "V" brothers need settle down to quit getting so damn excited.

Great recap, the episode kind of sucked so thanks for the fun french humor.

I am meesing Mattin.

David Dust said...

LOL @ Mr. Minx!!!

Anonymous said...

That was a hoot of a recap --dc

Cliff O'Neill said...

Tres grand recappé!

I asked Mattin about the 101 neckerchiefs, actually. I can't tell you that I got an adequate answer, though I did get one.

T'was grand seeing this in Mattin's restaurant. But I'll have the telling of the restaurant experience next week.

Much love!