Wednesday, June 26, 2013

New Food Network Offerings

The Food Network has a bunch of new shit shows coming down the pipeline in the upcoming months, most of them competitions or non-cooking reality shows. Do any of them seem like something you'd watch? I'm really not sure about most of them, but I'd probably give Bobby Flay's and Alton Brown's new shows a chance.

Notice that none of them involve last season's Next Food Network Star winner, Justin Warner.

July 2013 Premieres

Food Court Wars. Hosted by Tyler Florence, this show sounds like a pared-down version of NBC's megaflop, America's Next Great Restaurant. Food entrepreneurs battle against each other to win a food court restaurant rent-free for a year. Hopefully the winner's restaurant will be around for more than a couple of weeks, unlike the poor schmuck who won ANGR's joint.

Bubba's Grills Gone Wild. Custom grill building. Yawn.

August 2013 Premieres

Chef Roulette. Cooking competition in which four chefs attempt to create a meal despite also having to spin a wheel of (mis)fortune that may affect their dishes. Sounds like a clusterfuck with promise.

The Shed. Do you have interest in following around a Mississippi family that owns a chain of bbq restaurants? Me neither.

September 2013 Premieres

On the Rocks. Restaurant Impossible/Kitchen Nightmares, but with bars. I've had enough of this genre already.

Cutthroat Kitchen. Alton's new show is a cooking competition that allows competing chefs to sabotage each other while he laughs maniacally in the background. Could be fun.

Grocery Games. Another cooking competition that revolves around grocery shopping. Seriously?

October 2013 Premieres

Extreme Tupperware Ladies. A reality show about people who sell Tupperware. What's next - a show about Avon ladies? Mary Kay ladies? Pampered Chef ladies? (Please don't tell me these shows already exist.)

Bossover. Master Chef's bitchy Joe Bastianich will be making over bad restaurant bosses. No word if he and his business partner Mario Batali will be among them.

Restaurant Divided. Failing family-run restaurants are split into two warring factions that must compete against each other to improve the restaurant.

November 2013 Premieres

Restaurant Express. Aren't we sick of Robert Irvine yet? Apparently not. The bucktoothed Brit tests the business skills of a bunch of restaurateurs. On a bus. WTF?

TBD 2013 Premieres

Beat Bobby Flay. Like Throwdown, but instead of Bobby surprising chefs at their home base, the challengers will go to NY to play on Bobby's turf. He lost most throwdowns; he'll probably win more of these. Unlike most of you, I *like* Bobby Flay and would watch.

Chef Marks the Spot. This one seems rather involved. Two chefs are blindfolded and taken to a non-restaurant environment, where they have to source ingredients within a 50ft radius and cook a meal. Would be more fun if the blindfolds were left on.

Early 2014 Premieres

Amateur Chefs Competition Show. Amateur chefs compete against each other in a cooking show. Duh. Apparently they'll be coached by celebrity chefs. In the Food Network world, this probably means Bobby, Giada, Robert Irvine, etc.

Undercover Critics. Restaurants are secretly reviewed and allowed to fix any fuck ups before the review is published. What's the fun in that?

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