Another Reason to Hate Rachael Ray

...and the Food Network doesn't score too well in this one either.

On a recent episode of RR's Tasty Travels, perky Ms Ray extolled the virtues of Faidley's crab cakes. The images shown on the screen at this time were of a fried hockey puck with a pale golden color and somewhat sandy texture, and of Nancy Devine strenuously beating a smooth mixture in a large bowl. Ms Ray's voiceover then continued on to the Baltimore tradition of coddies, while the video displayed large, lumpy, dark golden brown blobs studded with white lumps.

Can't tell the difference between a crab cake and a coddie, eh, Rachey? Let me help you a bit then.

These are actual samples of a crabcake and a coddie from Faidley's. On the left, we see a lovely specimen of Crabcake, lumpy with snowy white hunks of backfin, lovingly and gently (so as not to break up the crab lumps) formed into a large mound, and fried until a deep golden brown. On the right, we see a Coddie, fairly smooth-textured because it's made from cod flakes and mashed potato, and flattened so it fits nicely between two saltines.

I realize that Ms. Ray probably never ran the gauntlet of drug dealers outside Lexington Market to set foot into Faidley's, so she never got to see the crabcakes and coddies in person. But the idiots from Food Network sure did. Do they think the viewing public is so naive to believe when she speaks of food as if she is familiar with it, she actually is? Unfortunately, most of her viewers are that naive. And now millions of them, taken in by her cutesy proclamations of "yum-o!" are just as confused as she is.

Now, maybe she did the voice over bit blindly, without seeing the footage, and had no idea that the editing would make her sound stupid to food-savvy Marylanders. But if my name were on the masthead of the show, I'd damn well want to view a final cut before the pulic got to see it. And shouldn't the Food Network employ some sort of fact checkers, to confirm the veracity of statements being made on their programs?

Or am I just expecting too much from a network whose idea of entertainment is sending various individuals around the country to taste restaurant food?

Macaroni and Cheese

Why oh why would anyone voluntarily eat macaroni coated in reconstituted cheese powder when they can make tastier macaroni and cheese from scratch, with the same amount of effort? (Ok, who, besides my husband?) Even if you use that boxed stuff, you still have to boil noodles, add butter, milk, and cheese, and stir. Why not buy a box of elbow macaroni and a hunk of sharp cheddar cheese? Or if you're too lazy harried to bother with chopping up the cheese, buy a bag of pre-shredded stuff. Real cheese - what a concept!

Basic mac & cheese is pretty tasty, but in my house, we like to fancy it up a bit. Our favorite easy peasy recipe is from Alton Brown. Here it is, courtesy of the Food Network:

1/2 pound elbow macaroni
4 tablespoons butter
2 eggs
6 ounces evaporated milk
1/2 teaspoon hot sauce
1 teaspoon kosher salt
Fresh black pepper
3/4 teaspoon dry mustard
10 ounces sharp cheddar, shredded

In a large pot of boiling, salted water cook the pasta to al dente and drain. Return to the pot and melt in the butter. Toss to coat.

Whisk together the eggs, milk, hot sauce, salt, pepper, and mustard. Stir into the pasta and add the cheese. Over low heat continue to stir for 3 minutes or until creamy.
------------------------------------------

Feel free to go crazy and modify this recipe. Omit the mustard and hot sauce. Use a mixture of cheeses (the other night, I made an eight cheese version, using odds and ends of hard goat cheese, manchego, some triple creme, and leftover Mexican blend shredded cheese along with the usual cheddar and Monterey jack). If you don't have evaporated milk in the pantry, by all means use regular milk. 2% is fine. Mmmmmmm!

Now, you may be in the mood for something crustier than stovetop M&C. Turn on the oven, pour your cheesed-up macaroni into a casserole, and slide it in for a half hour or so. I did this the other night, adding a topping of crushed cracker crumbs and thinly sliced tomatoes. The heat of the oven dries out the tomato somewhat, concentrating the flavor. I borrowed that technique from my Mom, who used Italian bread crumbs as the topping, and added sauteed onions to the macaroni mixture. God, that was some good stuff! Between my brother and I, we could polish off a whole recipe of it.

Here's Alton Brown's version of Baked Mac & Cheese, for those of you who like to follow a recipe (also from the Food Network site).

1/2 pound elbow macaroni
3 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons flour
1 tablespoon powdered mustard
3 cups milk
1/2 cup yellow onion, finely diced
1 bay leaf
1/2 teaspoon paprika
1 large egg
12 ounces sharp cheddar, shredded
1 teaspoon kosher salt
Fresh black pepper
Topping:
3 tablespoons butter
1 cup panko bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a large pot of boiling, salted water cook the pasta to al dente.
While the pasta is cooking, in a separate pot, melt the butter. Whisk in the flour and mustard and keep it moving for about five minutes. Make sure it's free of lumps. Stir in the milk, onion, bay leaf, and paprika. Simmer for ten minutes and remove the bay leaf.

Temper in the egg. Stir in 3/4 of the cheese. Season with salt and pepper. Fold the macaroni into the mix and pour into a 2-quart casserole dish. Top with remaining cheese.

Melt the butter in a saute pan and toss the bread crumbs to coat. Top the macaroni with the bread crumbs. Bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and rest for five minutes before serving.

Childhood Food Memories - Part Deux

I was exposed to a lot of snack cakes in my childhood, and they were a big contributor to my tubbiness. (What's my excuse now? you ask....) Mostly TastyKakes, which are still my favs - butterscotch Krimpets! chocolate Juniors! Tasty-Klair pies! We'd also have the odd box of Drake's cakes, or, very rarely, Hostess somethingsorother. But never Twinkies. Blech! First of all, they weren't chocolate, and secondly, they had a nasty chemical taste. In fact, all of the Hostess cake-type products tasted too sweet and artificial for the tastebuds in my picky (ok, not very) family. The Hostess cupcakes were nicely decorated, with their swirls of white icing, and the Snoballs were festive, but they didn't taste good, so no thanks. About the only thing that was palatable were the Hostess pies (Neal still likes them) but they also suffered from X-treme Sweetness.

But Drake's cakes - mmmmm! They were primarily chocolate--Ring Dings, Devil Dogs, Yodels--but there were also yummy Coffee Cakes topped with cinnamon streuselly goodness. Honestly, Devil Dogs were my least favorite, because I thought the cake was too dry without the addition of the waxy chocolate coating shared by Ring Dings and Yodels. But I ate them, grateful that they were not a Hostess Suzy-Q, one of those cakes that had so much sugar in them, it came out of solution and made them unpleasantly crunchy.

Then there was the Holy Grail of snack cakes. During the Peanuts specials, there were always ads for Dolly Madison products, and I was desperate to try them. If they were good enough for Charlie Brown and Linus, they had to be delicious! They didn't seem to be sold in the Baltimore area, but I once snagged a Zinger on an out of town trip. It was vile, and I was sorely disappointed that I had fallen for the cruel joke played on me by commercial television.

It is interesting that now Drakes, Dolly Madison, and Hostess are all owned by the same parent company, Interstate Bakeries Corporation. I haven't had any of the above for well over a decade, and I wonder if they've all started to taste alike.

And don't let me forget Little Debbie! Ok, so I'd love to forget Little Debbie! Especially the Oatmeal Pies. (gag) My mother adored those nasty patties of unnaturally squashy cookies filled with white ooze and always kept a box or two on hand. I always thought that Little Debbie looked like a Little Hick and am surprised that the company hasn't gone the way of Betty Crocker and Aunt Jemima and modernized their fictional icon. Even if they do, in the future, it will not improve the flavor or texture of their products.

I haven't had a TastyKake in a number of years, and hope they haven't changed their formulas to better resemble their lesser companions on the grocery store shelves. Perhaps I'll keep an eye out for a seasonal favorite of mine, pumpkin pie. Or maybe I'll just grab a package of peanut butter KandyKakes and remember how I never had to share them with my peanut-allergic little brother.

What was your favorite snack cake as a kid? Leave a comment and let me know.

Childhood Food Memories - Part One

The other night, during our usual post-dinner conversation time, my husband and I discussed our favorite foods from childhood. Oh, how I'd love to taste Mom's pot roast again! And Grandma's kotlety (pork burgers), sour cream potato salad, and spaghetti and meatballs!

In addition to home-cooking, we talked about the commercially prepared products we grew up eating. Take canned pasta, for example. I would only eat Franco American Spaghettios with mini meatballs, and Raviolos. They were one of my favorite lunches, and I was only allowed to have them once every week or two. Neal liked Chef Boyardee Beefaroni, but he wasn't as picky as me about canned pasta. I tried a can of Spaghettios (now Campbell's) a few years back, out of nostalgia, and was revolted. The sauce was thicker and had an unpleasant unctuousness. One spoonful was enough; the remainder went into the trash. I am afraid to try Raviolos. Forget the rest of that stuff!

In the snack food category, we both loved original and Nacho Cheese Doritos when they first came out in the 70s. Then came more flavors and suddenly, there was too much seasoning on them for our palates. Perhaps we can chalk that up to old age maturity. (Our favorite seasoned tortilla chip is now Garden of Eatin's Red Hot Blues.)

I also had an unnatural fondness for Frito-Lay Funyuns. When I was very young, my mother made sandwiches of imported ham, iceberg lettuce, and Kraft Thousand Island dressing on rye (We ate everything on rye bread. White bread was for toasting only and was referred to, derogatorily, as wata [cotton balls].) for me and my grandmother, who was recovering from a stroke. She served Funyuns on the side. They are now inextricably linked to memories of sitting on the side of Grandma's bed and wondering when she would be able to get up and play with me again.

Bugles were another favorite, and I do still eat them on occasion. I don't think they've changed at all, but they are perhaps a little saltier than memory.

Our favorite childhood potato chips were Utz plain. Mom and I liked to eat them with vanilla ice cream, which Neal finds odd. (Maybe you do too.) He liked Utz Barbecue flavor, but I preferred the less-sweet, spicier, Wise BBQ chips. I haven't had the Wise chips since grade school, and I doubt they would be the same, but Utz chips are still crispy, golden, and delicious, and probably our current favorite plain chips. (Neal prefers the ridged type these days.) What about Pringles, you ask? I never did enjoy those fake, oversalted things (despite my love of Funyuns), but Neal will cop to liking them.

Today's kids have even more choices for salty snacking, most of which are over-seasoned for my tastes. And what's with the pre-made, multi-flavored Chex Mix? It's a far cry tastier when made at home; just omit the modern, egregious addtion of bagel chips, and use pretzel sticks instead of nuggets for an authentic taste of my childhood.

Original Chex Mix
1/4 cup Butter
1 1/4 teaspoons Seasoned salt
4 1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 2/3 cups Corn Chex
2 2/3 cups Rice Chex
2 2/3 Wheat Chex
1 cup Salted mixed nuts
1 cup Pretzel sticks

Heat oven to 250°F. In ungreased large roasting pan, melt butter in oven. Stir in seasonings. Gradually stir in remaining ingredients until evenly coated.

Bake 1 hour, stirring every 15 minutes. Spread on paper towels to cool, about 15 minutes. Store in airtight container.