Monday, July 07, 2008

The Next Food Network Star - Episode 6

If you thought the other episodes were annoying - pshaw! That was nothing. This is annoying:
The wannabes get some good news and some bad news. The good news is they they will finally get to do some actual on-air presentation. The bad news is that it will be on Rachael Ray's daytime show.

They have to create a delicious and nutritious meal and demonstrate it to the audience in a four minute segment. Not only that, they have to please the discerning palates of Brownies. No, not the chocolatey cakes. Little girls in vests.

We feel your pain, Aaron. We feel your pain.

Adam has a real advantage in this challenge because he is still a child. He should be commended for refraining from telling his kid that her name "Shinasia" (however the heck it's spelled) sounds like a disease or a treatment for foot fungus.

Kelsey and Shane are actual children (hey, anyone under the age of 25 can be considered as such by someone of my advanced age) so should have few problems relating to the Brownies.

The first line of business is to find out what the kiddies like to eat. Lisa believes that food doesn't need to be dumbed down for the little beasts.

When Lisa mentioned "remoulade," Hayley returned a blank look. How are parents raising their children these days??

After consulting and preparing their dishes, the wannabes head over to Rachael Ray's studio to make fools of themselves in front of a live studio audience. Wait...the audience is probably slobbering and screaming and jumping up and down while wetting their pants at the privilege of being in the same county with RR and the wannabes are making fools of themselves? Hmmm...I stand corrected.
First up is Aaron who literally bounces onto the set with his chubby little Brownie Buddy. He and the kid show proper respect by turning their backs to the audience as they wash their hands. Aaron scores special points in my book for good hygiene.
Truer words were never spoken.
Kelsey is next, looking all of about 10. She was happy to be working with a Brownie since it was the first time she got to consult with someone shorter and younger than her. But not by much. Because the judging committee had encouraged her to show more authority, she basically stood around and did nothing while making Rachael cook her scrambled eggs and the kid assemble some sort of phallic banana with creamy stuff on it. She even called RR "Rach" which earned her an eyeroll from Bobby Flay backstage.

Shane was next. He surprisingly didn't connect with his Brownie, and ignored her for most of the demo. He was stressed out, and it didn't help that bigmouth Rachael talked over him the entire f*cking time he was attempting to cook. I think I would have had to punch her in the mouth.

Lisa was next. She started off really well, and then Bigmouth started yammering again and made her nervous. The poor wannabe spent much of the demo looking drugged.
Finally, Adam did his thing. He was charming and funny, telling the audience that he was really Shinasia's sous chef and not the other way around. He also made Rachael pull his chicken, which sounds either dirty or disgusting, but at least she washed her hands afterwards.
After the demos, the wannabes were brought out together and Rachael tells them there will be a change of venue for the next challenge.
Well, four of the five would be going to Vegas. They head back to the Carriage House to await the painful elimination.

The judging committee were pleased with Aaron's performance, except for the hand-washing bit that caused everyone to turn their backs to the camera. "I shot myself in the head" said Aaron. Um...don't you mean "foot?"

Kelsey didn't show more authority, and she seemed really young. As always. Tushface & Company are never happy, are they?

Shane said his Brownie was shy. Tushface (heh - his first name should be "Harry") & Co. called him "joyless" and "not soulful." Lisa "steamrolled" the kid, and let Rachael do the same to her. Lisa cries because someone has to do that every episode.

Aaron is safe, and Adam's "hairy little be-hind" is going to Vegas as well. The other three are apparently on the chopping block and Tushface & Co. prolong the agony by sending them upstairs while they deliberate some more. In the end, it's determined that the Joyless One, Shane, should be the one to go. And he was a good sport about it. He probably realized he was jeopardizing his future career by appearing on the Food Network and was glad to be released from this embarrassment. I know I would be.